Please submit a one page, single spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular majors, department or program. This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major, any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by colleges and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.
I want to pursue a degree in computer science as my primary major. My 19 years on earth has been marked by my deep interest in electronics. My recollections of growing up are ample with experiences of lighting up bulbs with battery connected wires and putting together my own miniature fans using motors from remote control cars. Every minute I spent fixing neighbor's broken electronics helped me realize how much I enjoyed analyzing and wanted to understand the machines I was fixing. As I matured, however, and moved from Ghana to Italy and Italy to the United States, my interests have shifted from simply fixing broken electronics to creating and even perfecting them. My family's arrival in the states was repelled by economic hardships so when my father saved enough to buy a computer amidst the challenges, he expected none of my brothers and I to fiddle with it, yet I took the initiative to take it all apart and put it back together again. This simple disobedience, fueled by my constant curiosity, helped me marvel at the complexity within the computer; divided into simple components like the motherboard, hard-drive, and the power supply. The experience that day sparked an interest in me that have never subsided, I want to take a step further in my undergraduate studies and understand how these tangible components all act together as the backbone for brilliant creations such as the windows and the internet. I seek to understand the whole connection between hardware and software and with this knowledge position myself for the challenges ahead. I strongly believe Carnegie Mellon's intensive computer science program will sufficiently equip me with the skills I need to turn my questions into answers.
I want to pursue math as my second major. Math to me is a universal language that doesn't change; no matter what country I travel to, the concepts stay the same. I learned a lot about math while growing up in Ghana. When I became an American, I was able to build from where I left off in Ghana. One factor that has contributed to my success in math is my curiosity and interest in the subject. I love math, so I do not procrastinate when it comes to completing homework. I not only love solving math problems, I am also curious about the levels of understanding required to create problems. In addition, I am curious not only about the proper ways to solve problems, but also the shortest ways to solve them. My interest and curiosity in math have led me to many interesting problem solving approaches. I usually stay after school when S.T.E.M. Club meetings are over to solve more math problems with the lower classmates who are just as interested in math as I am. I want to build on my curiosity in math and explore the boundless road that lay ahead in a college mathematic course and the life beyond.
I could use any comments or reviews...
A few things:
My 19 years on earth has been marked by my deep interest in electronics.
This sounds a little corny. How about- "Since my childhood, ... electronics."
As I matured, however, and moved from Ghana to Italy and Italy to the United States, my interests have shifted from simply fixing broken electronics to creating and even perfecting them.
You say a lot in one sentence here. You could simplify it by turning into 2-3 sentences: 1) your family moved, 2) your interests
My family's arrival in the states was repelled by economic hardships so when my father saved enough to buy a computer amidst the challenges, he expected none of my brothers and I to fiddle with it, yet I took the initiative to take it all apart and put it back together again.
This sentence is way too long.
The experience that day sparked an interest in me that have never subsided, I want to take a step further in my undergraduate studies and understand how these tangible components all act together as the backbone for brilliant creations such as the windows and the internet.
You have great content here, again the sentence is too long. Try to simplify your sentences but keep the details. You are doing well, a few grammar issues, but otherwise a great paper so far. Continue to edit a little more. Good luck in school!
