Hey Editors!
I would greatly appreciate any opinions, comments, and grammar corrections on my essay.
Do you think I portrayed my world, dreams and aspirtations adequately? What do you think about the title, i am not 100% sure that it really ties in with my essay..
prompt:Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
word count: 617
Thank you!
Immigration is hard; even at the innocent age of seven; I remember worrying about the new world I was to enter. I lived the first part of my childhood in Cairo, before moving to California and having dual citizenship. I knew that leaving the overcrowded city of Cairo would mean leaving my home, my friends, and my huge extended family. What I didn't know, was that entering the beautiful state of California would give me a world filled with grand opportunities. Life in California is a road nicely paved and well defined, but which has occasional speed bumps. Growing up in California has granted me chances to succeed and excel while achieving high standards. Throughout the years of my California residency, I have participated in various activities which increased my interest in science and inspired me to become a Pediatric Dentist.
Children have always been a huge part of my world. I am not only the eldest of my two siblings, but also of my twenty first cousins. Through my responsibly and love towards my family, I am constantly trying to protect and enlighten my younger relatives. Their look of awe and admiration towards me drives me to constantly better myself. After taking a college level Arabic course offered by Los Angeles City College, I worked as an Arabic counselor at Aldeen Foundation Arabic Camp. I taught students starting the ages of seven through thirteen basic elements of the Arabic language. By the finishing time of the program, my students had the entire alphabet memorized and could even say a few full Arabic sentences.
Egypt is widely known for the Nile River, and since I was so fascinated by the magnificent water bank, I decided to enroll in the Sierra Madre City Swim Team. I swam for five years and won tons of metals and ribbons in relay, freestyle, and breaststroke races. In the summer, I spent five hours a day as a Red Cross Jr. Lifeguard teaching toddlers and children how to swim. I also volunteered at the Sierra Madre City Library Children's Summer Reading Program. Due to my high hours of community service, I achieved Congressman David Dreier's Youth Volunteer Award. I also received St. Francis of Assisi award a couple times for doubling the required community service hours. Because of my affinity with children, I realized that my future professional job must include them.
Biology was the first science course I took in high school. Molecular biology captivated my brain and left me longing to learn more about the human body and anatomy. I volunteered at the Huntington Memorial Hospital and Hastings Ranch Pharmacy. The more I became familiar with various aspects of the medical environment the more I became positive that this is the field I desire to enter. It wasn't until I got my braces on that I finally knew that I was created to become a pediatric dentist. Ever since I was a little girl and received dollars from the tooth fairy, I always believed that teeth are a very important part of the human body. Attending my orthopedic appointments every month and viewing the interaction between my dentist and his patients became an immense pusher for my excellence in school. I received Honors Awards for high academic achievement, and became a member of California Federation Scholarship. As a senior, I am taking Ap. Biology and plan to volunteer at my dentists' office.
Through repeated summer visits to Egypt, I have learned to appreciate both cultures and lifestyles. The intertwining of American and Egyptian culture has taught me to view situations in a unique way, and utilize most of my opportunities in a constructive manner in order to accomplish my dreams.
I would greatly appreciate any opinions, comments, and grammar corrections on my essay.
Do you think I portrayed my world, dreams and aspirtations adequately? What do you think about the title, i am not 100% sure that it really ties in with my essay..
prompt:Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
word count: 617
Thank you!
Immigration is hard; even at the innocent age of seven; I remember worrying about the new world I was to enter. I lived the first part of my childhood in Cairo, before moving to California and having dual citizenship. I knew that leaving the overcrowded city of Cairo would mean leaving my home, my friends, and my huge extended family. What I didn't know, was that entering the beautiful state of California would give me a world filled with grand opportunities. Life in California is a road nicely paved and well defined, but which has occasional speed bumps. Growing up in California has granted me chances to succeed and excel while achieving high standards. Throughout the years of my California residency, I have participated in various activities which increased my interest in science and inspired me to become a Pediatric Dentist.
Children have always been a huge part of my world. I am not only the eldest of my two siblings, but also of my twenty first cousins. Through my responsibly and love towards my family, I am constantly trying to protect and enlighten my younger relatives. Their look of awe and admiration towards me drives me to constantly better myself. After taking a college level Arabic course offered by Los Angeles City College, I worked as an Arabic counselor at Aldeen Foundation Arabic Camp. I taught students starting the ages of seven through thirteen basic elements of the Arabic language. By the finishing time of the program, my students had the entire alphabet memorized and could even say a few full Arabic sentences.
Egypt is widely known for the Nile River, and since I was so fascinated by the magnificent water bank, I decided to enroll in the Sierra Madre City Swim Team. I swam for five years and won tons of metals and ribbons in relay, freestyle, and breaststroke races. In the summer, I spent five hours a day as a Red Cross Jr. Lifeguard teaching toddlers and children how to swim. I also volunteered at the Sierra Madre City Library Children's Summer Reading Program. Due to my high hours of community service, I achieved Congressman David Dreier's Youth Volunteer Award. I also received St. Francis of Assisi award a couple times for doubling the required community service hours. Because of my affinity with children, I realized that my future professional job must include them.
Biology was the first science course I took in high school. Molecular biology captivated my brain and left me longing to learn more about the human body and anatomy. I volunteered at the Huntington Memorial Hospital and Hastings Ranch Pharmacy. The more I became familiar with various aspects of the medical environment the more I became positive that this is the field I desire to enter. It wasn't until I got my braces on that I finally knew that I was created to become a pediatric dentist. Ever since I was a little girl and received dollars from the tooth fairy, I always believed that teeth are a very important part of the human body. Attending my orthopedic appointments every month and viewing the interaction between my dentist and his patients became an immense pusher for my excellence in school. I received Honors Awards for high academic achievement, and became a member of California Federation Scholarship. As a senior, I am taking Ap. Biology and plan to volunteer at my dentists' office.
Through repeated summer visits to Egypt, I have learned to appreciate both cultures and lifestyles. The intertwining of American and Egyptian culture has taught me to view situations in a unique way, and utilize most of my opportunities in a constructive manner in order to accomplish my dreams.