"while reading biography of Supachai Chearavanont" - essay about choosing university.

Greeting!

I am new here on this essayforum.com, I see how people have been working for their application process with many experienced teachers who stay behind helping us through the ton of essay.

I would like to appreciate all people who have participated in this site.
Thank you very much for your support...

Here is one of my essay. Wish you could suggest me some new ideas.

Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us...

I first heard BU since I was in grade ninth while reading biography of Supachai Chearavanont in a magazine; a successful business man; a president and founder of the biggest telecom company in Thailand; True corperation. Later until I was in grade eleventh I visited BU's website and I choose BU to be my dream school without doubtful. Choosing university is a big step in my life. It is not just an academic decision but personal which I believe BU will able to help me succeed this goal.

Thank you.

Hey love the beginning and change the ending( say it in a more creative way). I think you should write something specific about the school that truly made you want to apply.

hey can you give me feedback on my yale essay?

But how?

Hello! I'm sorry you had to wait so long for more responses. I'll make my revision below:
I first heard BU since when I was in grade nine while reading biography of Supachai Chearavanont -- a successful business man, the president and founder of the biggest telecom company in Thailand, True Corporation. Later, when I was in grade eleven I visited BU's website and I choose BU to be my dream school without a doubt. Choosing a university is a big step in my life. It is not just an academic decision but also a personal one, and I believe BU will able to help me achieve this goal.

I corrected many errors. I want to mention that you have two options for writing about grades in school:
I was in the ninth grade when I began to learn about computers.
I was in grade nine when I began to learn about computers.
But not this: I was in grade ninth when I began to learn about computers.