'Rejection letters after rejection letters' - UC #2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Rejection letters after rejection letters, are all I received in the mail throughout my senior year in high school. With those rejection letters in my hand I would often think to myself, "I heard college isn't for everyone...maybe college just isn't for me." After graduating high school, I spent countless summer days pondering the thought of attending a community college to open more doors for success in my life. I know that a good education provides great opportunity and advantages to anyone who pursues it. I define success as, a never-ending stride to continually improve who you are in every aspect of your life and to always put in your best effort. Deciding to improve myself to fulfill my willpower to succeed, I decided to enroll to a local community college. Attending college was no easy task at hand. I had to learn how to balance my time between working and going to school. Working part-time and attending college part-time is one of the most time-consuming activities that I have experienced. Hard work always pays off in the end so I stuck with staying in school despite the difficulties I had in some of my classes. My willpower to succeed was all I needed for gentle reminder to keep on pushing to further improve myself. I take my struggles day by day and now it has paid off. I will receive an AA degree in business by spring 2012. Now entering my third year at Ohlone Community College, I also have the great opportunity to apply and attend a University.

Attending a community college to further my educational goals and myself is an accomplishment that I am proud of and will never regret. My willpower for success and my accomplishment of enrolling and staying in a community college go hand in hand. I was able to overcome the obstacles that life had to offer and will continue to keep pushing forward. I am confident that I will be successful no matter what path I choose to take in my life. Vince Lombardi once said, "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."

You shouldn't let the UC schools know you've been rejected so many times!! They won't look at that, and pity you; they'll just wonder "...Wait. Why has this person been denied acceptance to all of these schools? We don't want him here."

I would really recommend altering that to maybe something a little less specific like..."Because I haven't really excelled in life, I took action by signing up for community college classes."

Senior year of high school, I glared at the acceptance and rejection letters I received throughout spring, saddened by the fact that I didn't get into the college I had hoped for. With the rejection letter of the college I dreamed about going to in my hand, all that was going through my mind was, "People say college isn't for everyone...maybe college just isn't for me."

Is this better? Thank you for the feedback!

You should never write about your education situation such as, how low your SAT/ACT scores are, your reasons why you got a bad grade, why you want to go to this school, why do you...etc etc. Don't talk negative in your essay.

is the rest of the essay okay? After I take out the negative sentences in the beginning?

Senior year of high school, while friends were deciding to enroll at universities or pursue whatever career path they desired, I also had to make a decision about my future that would benefit me in the best way possible. One of the main thoughts going through my head at the time was. "college isn't for everyone...maybe college just isn't for me." After graduating high school, I spent countless summer days pondering the thought of attending a community college to open more doors for success in my life. I know that a good education provides great opportunity and advantages to anyone who pursues it. I define success as, a never-ending stride to continually improve who you are in every aspect of your life and to always put in your best effort. Deciding to improve myself to fulfill my willpower to succeed, I decided to enroll at a local community college. Attending community college was no easy task at hand. I had to learn how to balance my time between working and going to school. Working part-time and attending college part-time is one of the most time-consuming activities that I have experienced. Hard work always pays off in the end so, I stuck with staying in school despite the difficulties I had in some of my classes. My willpower to succeed was all I needed for gentle reminder to keep on pushing to further improve myself. I take my struggles day by day and now it has paid off. I will receive an AA degree in business by spring 2012. Now entering my third year at Ohlone Community College, I also have the great opportunity to apply and attend a University.

Attending a community college to further my educational goals and myself is an accomplishment that I am proud of and will never regret. My willpower for success and my accomplishment of enrolling and staying in a community college go hand in hand. This accomplishment and quality I have will help me get to wherever I want in the future and will help me in the workplace. My accomplishment of going to community college also helped me realize to always finish what you start to the best of your abilities. I was able to overcome the obstacles that life had to offer and will continue to keep pushing forward. I am confident that I will be successful no matter what path I choose to take in my life. Vince Lombardi once said, "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."