Research changes lives; Common App - Independent Scientific Research

This is my common application short answer on my research experience. Please critique harshly!

My fingers began to tremble as a typed. After six hours of transcribing and analyzing tweets, I felt the lower lid of my left eye twitch. Although my body began to feel the effects of exhaustion, I continued to pursue the culmination of three years of my research. I refused to sleep until I could finally come to a conclusion.

Research changes lives. The process of researching requires motivation and dedication, but also objectivity. It demands you to think scientifically and creatively at the same time. It forces you to look at the world in what appears to be a series of paradoxes that somehow work in tandem to create something new. Scientific inquiry has propelled me, intellectual curiosity has fueled me, and creativity and independence have allowed me the momentum to move forward at every bump along the way.

That night when I finally went to bed, I laid in bed musing over my conclusions - anorexic Twitter communities encourage detrimental or life-threatening behaviors.

what question is this for on the common app, I haven seen it.
-you need a stronger transition between the first and second paragraphs
-I would talk more about how YOUR research experience, not why research i important as a whole
-also maybe make it longer and add more about yourself, if you have space

The prompt is: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
My current essay is 985 characters.

I love the first paragraph, its very well written! I think it is extremely well written now! You tell about your research, its interesting, and it shows who you are! in the stupid 1000 character limit, which is ridiculous. But nevertheless, good job :)