For Penn's Common Application, this is the first essay they want you to write. I'm applying to transfer into Penn from a PA state school for the fall of 2013. This is quite honestly the fourth draft of this essay I've written and basically just looking to see the feedback. And to see if, in your opinion, it fulfills what Admissions is looking for. I mulled over several different ideas of what tact to use for this essay and this is only one.
Below is the description Penn uses:
"A Penn education provides a liberal arts and sciences foundation across multiple disciplines with a practical emphasis in one of four undergraduate schools: the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Engineering and Applied Science, the School of Nursing, or the Wharton School.
Given the undergraduate school to which you are applying, please discuss how you will engage academically at Penn. (Please answer in 300 words or less.)"
This is my essay (ignore indents or lack/thereof):
An overcast sky complemented a chilly wind as Miles and I strolled down Locust Walk, bound for Rodin College Hall to meet up with Luke. He promised to show us around campus on a personal "guided tour."
Luke is the type of person Penn attracts: smart, resourceful, and personable. It is a personality I hope others would ascribe to me; a personality I find myself wanting to surround myself with. Penn delivers this quite unlike any other school I have visited.
At Penn, one is not limited to their major of choice, even if they do concentrate in it. I try to be a well-rounded person but with a spike of interest-my major of Political Science, and the atmosphere at Penn encourages this, as made evident by the friends I have who attend.
As someone who tries to be well-rounded, Penn allows such a person free reign to research topics important to them. In my case, I have long studied the role religion plays in politics and the effects each has on the other. Programs special to Penn, such as the Washington Semester Program, would enable me to continue my research in a more real-world setting. Even the Undergraduate Assembly or the Class Boards would contribute to my growing understanding of politics in American culture.
My tumultuous family history, which left me with a desire to help youth left bitter by divorce, could also come into play. Any future for me in politics would involve programs to aid those youth who can succeed academically but may need a support system to do so effectively.
After all, Ben Franklin's attitude towards education, embodied by the institution he founded, still echoes today: "The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance."
Below is the description Penn uses:
"A Penn education provides a liberal arts and sciences foundation across multiple disciplines with a practical emphasis in one of four undergraduate schools: the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Engineering and Applied Science, the School of Nursing, or the Wharton School.
Given the undergraduate school to which you are applying, please discuss how you will engage academically at Penn. (Please answer in 300 words or less.)"
This is my essay (ignore indents or lack/thereof):
An overcast sky complemented a chilly wind as Miles and I strolled down Locust Walk, bound for Rodin College Hall to meet up with Luke. He promised to show us around campus on a personal "guided tour."
Luke is the type of person Penn attracts: smart, resourceful, and personable. It is a personality I hope others would ascribe to me; a personality I find myself wanting to surround myself with. Penn delivers this quite unlike any other school I have visited.
At Penn, one is not limited to their major of choice, even if they do concentrate in it. I try to be a well-rounded person but with a spike of interest-my major of Political Science, and the atmosphere at Penn encourages this, as made evident by the friends I have who attend.
As someone who tries to be well-rounded, Penn allows such a person free reign to research topics important to them. In my case, I have long studied the role religion plays in politics and the effects each has on the other. Programs special to Penn, such as the Washington Semester Program, would enable me to continue my research in a more real-world setting. Even the Undergraduate Assembly or the Class Boards would contribute to my growing understanding of politics in American culture.
My tumultuous family history, which left me with a desire to help youth left bitter by divorce, could also come into play. Any future for me in politics would involve programs to aid those youth who can succeed academically but may need a support system to do so effectively.
After all, Ben Franklin's attitude towards education, embodied by the institution he founded, still echoes today: "The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance."