Rice "Why this college" motivation essay

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words?

The first thing that attracted me to Rice University was its excellent premed program, and strong reputation in providing quality education. The chemistry department's emphasis on effective teaching is very impressive. Not only do they integrate the laboratory experience into the curriculum, but they also employ modern technology to simulate activities in a research setting. Furthermore the department also has many interdisciplinary research programs that allow students to participate. I cannot stop imagining myself taking part in one of the biochemistry researches in the future at Rice. As a student who loves real world applications, these opportunities for research give me the chance to participate in activities outside of the classroom. I can gain deeper knowledge and hands-on experience through research projects.

Another thing that attracted me to Rice was its relatively small size because it gives me the opportunity for a more personal approach with my professors, which will help me study more efficiently. I feel that the availability of professors, the undergraduate research opportunities, and the high quality of teaching offered at Rice University will enable me to grow as a student and acquire stronger knowledge base necessary for success.

(192 words)

Please help me in any way possible!
thanks!!

Overall, your essay is very nicely written, but I feel it lacks personal input. Though you are very specific in providing us with positive attributes of the college, there is nothing personal about what you say. What makes you, as an individual, appreciate the college? What personal traits would make you especially want to join that college, out of all the others?

Also, I noticed one grammatical error.

blubunny5"Furthermore the department also (furthermore means same thing, omit this word) has many interdisciplinary research programs that allow students to participate."

...program and strong reputation for providing quality education.

Another thing that attracted me to Rice was its relatively small size , because it gives me the opportunity for a more personal approach with my professors. which will help me study more efficiently.

I think that when you talk about how the curriculum and labs are integrated, you should talk about specific areas of interest -- experiments and lessons you are excited about!