Rigorous academia and study - What factors influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College?

I'm applying to Barnard in a few days, and any advice on this essay would be greatly appreciated!

Why Barnard?

What factors influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College and why do you think the College would be a good match for you? (100-250 words)

The first person to suggest I apply to Barnard was my college advisor, Dr. Paula Tyler. As a professed feminist and liberal, I was unenthused by Texas' landscape of conservative schools, and Barnard was her first recommendation to truly catch my attention. Still unsure about applying to a school I knew little about, I began researching the

university online. As I read about the school's history of advocacy for gender equality in education, its legacy of female leadership, and its commitment to environmental sustainability, I found that Barnard embodies many of my personal beliefs and hopes for society. As a woman entering the male-dominated field of mathematics, I find Barnard's feminist history and commitment to advancing women in academia appealing. Confidence and assertiveness are necessary in professional life, and Barnard's diverse, dynamic community is the perfect environment to nurture such intellectual self-assuredness.

Although I intend to major in Applied Mathematics, I refuse to abandon my interests in the arts, humanities or social sciences, and Barnard's liberal arts curriculum would allow me to study a variety of topics and disciplines. Outside the classroom, the Summer Research Institute would provide unique opportunities to conduct and present research,

and become more involved in a variety of STEM fields. I could also continue to indulge my love of performing, as the theatre department's productions are open to non-majors.

I've found that Barnard provides the perfect blend of rigorous academia, interdisciplinary study, extracurricular opportunities, and close-knit community, and that such a challenging, empowering environment is ideal for the next stage of my life.

Word Count: 258

Hi,
I like how your essay was concise and too the point, and the language isn't bombastic like some of the other essays i have come across.

Your point about confidence, assertiveness, entering the male-dominated field of math as a woman, is a nice take.
You mention your college counselor in the beginning; is this necessary information? You could scrap the first introduction and instead, elaborate on your interests is applied mathamatics, and how that connects to Barnard ; how is the math major in barnard different from other schools? Why specifically Barnard?

Your point about confidence, assertiveness, entering the male-dominated field of math as a woman, is a nice take. You should definitely make this stand out more strongly. If you have personal experience; eg was the only girl in the Advanced math class, have seen other female mathematician peers hesitate going into the math field because it was male-dominated, touch on that.

Paint a picture of yourself as strong female, unafraid and unaffected by the sterotypes of men and math and want to set an example for future female mathematicians.

Hope this helps:)

I do not agree that you should scrap the reference to Dr. Paula Tyler in the essay because you would not have heard about the college without her influence. Her mention is pivotal to this essay as she created the foundation for your interest in the university and eventually, helped to influence your decision to apply to Barnard. You could heighten the reference to her influence upon you by indicating what it was about you as a person that she felt would fit well at Barnard, then take off from there. After all, if you are not a "fit" for the university, then you cannot be influenced to apply to the university. Discuss some of the commonalities that Dr. Tyler felt would help you perform well as a student at Barnard. These will create the platform by which you began to be influenced to apply to Barnard.

If there is any part that I think you should cut out, it is the reference to your being unenthused at the idea of applying to Barnard and that you were unsure about applying to the school. Instead, show a vibrant interest in enrolling at the university after having a serious talk with Dr. Tyler that opened your eyes to the opportunities the university could offer you, which you could lose if you let the opportunity to apply for admission to Barnard pass.