this is the prompt: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Please check for grammar, sentence structures, etc. Also, tell me where i can improve more on. Advices are welcome.
The essay is below.
Just like Rutgers University, Theater provided a diverse environment filled with different people from all walks of life. For me, working in Theater as a Sound Crew member was both a period of growth and challenges. It was the only time I matured from the start to the end. In the beginning, I never knew that preparing for a play was extremely time-consuming. We as a Sound Crew needed to set up the microphones, wires, headsets, and the sound board, and make sure the sound quality is perfect though out the play. I was naïve for thinking that it was going to be an easy task. The Director emphasized numerous times on making the play perfect, which pressured me to do well. It required me to have both discipline and teamwork in order to work in Theater. I couldn't have survived without those two.
I learned that having teamwork and discipline are essential for the play to go smoothly. The first thing I noticed was that communication was a huge deal in Theater. Every word I say needed to be accurate and correct; if not, then it might mess up the play. It was very important for us to have that skill in Sound Crew because our main communication was through the headsets. If there was static during the rehearsals, it was our job to figure it out, which was important to stay focused and not panic. There were many stressful days that tested my temper during my time in Theater; it was either the microphones weren't functioning well or other Sound members weren't cooperating. It frustrated me because it wasn't something that could be fixed easily. I had some moments that I felt like quitting Theater. But this was where having discipline came in. Even though I was having a hard time, I knew I should not quit that easily; my friends needed me to help them and I wasn't a type of a person to ditch my job instantly.
And I am glad I didn't quit Theater because it proved to me that it is my most valuable high school experience. It made me more confident on what I am capable of. Since Rutgers University has a large collection of activities to choose from, I know I can still be an active member of its community. I learned to be disciplined and cooperating, and I am willing to be like that after I graduate high school. I can work in Rutgers Drama helping out the Sound Crew if it exists. I never had the chance to take control of the sound board so it might be a good opportunity for me to take charge. I can contribute by teaching people about the microphones and the two values I learned.
In exchange, Rutgers University will benefit me by giving me an opportunity to mature even more. I cannot say that I am satisfied at where I am standing now because I still have flaws that restrict me from becoming a better person. I still need more improvement and Rutgers University is a right place for me. I know in real life that cooperating together as a team is common; I will be able to practice my communication skill during my time there.
We as a Sound Crew needed. . . As a sound crew we needed
I learned to be disciplined and cooperating. . . cooperative
and I am willing to be like that after I graduate high school. . . does not sound assertive, try ommiting "willing" and maybe say "these traits will show in college'
I can work in Rutgers Drama helping out the Sound Crew if it exists.. . . leads the admission people to believe you have not done your research on the school.
Overall the entry sound passive and lacks enthusiasm that someone would have trying to get accepted. How hard is it to get accepted to this school? If they have a higher turn down rate, you need to be able to compete and prove that you want to go to this school.
I think you picked a great topic to prove your talents, you just need to be more assertive and make them know you want to go to this school.
the prompt is hard to write about.
I think this prompt is wide open, allowing you the flexibility to focus on what is important. What message do you want to send?
The first message is: I am someone who when asked about myself first thinks of my experience working in Theater as a Sound Crew.
Next message: This person had a great learning experience due to working in Theater as a Sound Crew.
So now I am wondering if it is the best you can do. I don't think you really need the sentence explaining that one wrong word could mess up the play. In fact, I think this essay does not do justice to your merit as a scholar. You can condense this essay into 3 brilliant sentences, and make them part of an essay that is about other experiences that prepare you to contribute.
Keep the theme of communication, and write about other experiences that require good communication. Let them know that communication is what you will contribute, and mention it one last time at the end to make sure it is a memorable theme.
:-)
