Hi, I'm applying to Rutgers this coming school year and I am currently working on an essay. For a while, I did not know how to tackle Rutger's diversity question and then I finally came up with this idea. Unfortunately, I have reached a dead end with this essay and I'm not sure how to develop this further. Should I ditch this essay and start a new one or does this essay have potential?
Question: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences (3800 character max).
My experience: day at church.
Note: anything in brackets=my own thoughts.
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The sound of breathing and threads of conversation about Korean pop bands I had never heard of and the church's activities that week filled the van. Meanwhile, I sat quietly and looked out the window, hoping we would reach our destination soon. My friend Sunny had invited me on a trip to Six Flags sponsored by her church. Despite the warm welcomes from old members in English and Korean alike and even the head priest's greeting in familiar Chinese, I felt awkward in this group of people. That fact that I did not know anyone here was one contributing factor; another was the pervading sense that I was different from the people who sat beside me. I had not stepped foot in a church (and that was only for camp) since first grade and my family does not follow a particular faith. Our spiritual beliefs, and consequently our upbringing, contrasted with each other. Naturally, I felt somewhat detached from Sunny and her church friends.
I kept trying to find similarities (in this case, we all went to 6 flags before and one girl liked a French artist I listen to). I suppose I avoided facing the other people's because I thought that if I listened to their beliefs, I would be clouding my own convictions. But one ought to embrace others' differences, not overlook them. Contrary to what I thought, familiarizing myself with others' beliefs does not dilute my existing views. Instead, I feel that my road trip with the church strengthened my existing belief of a greater being and my values.
Immersing oneself in a diverse environment equates to self-discovery. During my time at Rutgers, I hope to build a greater knowledge of various cultures as well as incorporate others' viewpoints to my present morals, beliefs, and values. From this experience, I have gained a new perspective on diversity of faiths and in general, how to approach diversity in all respects-a [discovery/synonym for "perspective"] that I can contribute to the vibrant community of Rutgers.
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Yeah -________- It's not a great essay. Consider this a freewrite. Any suggestions to improve this essay/finding a better topic would be appreciated.
Question: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences (3800 character max).
My experience: day at church.
Note: anything in brackets=my own thoughts.
_____
The sound of breathing and threads of conversation about Korean pop bands I had never heard of and the church's activities that week filled the van. Meanwhile, I sat quietly and looked out the window, hoping we would reach our destination soon. My friend Sunny had invited me on a trip to Six Flags sponsored by her church. Despite the warm welcomes from old members in English and Korean alike and even the head priest's greeting in familiar Chinese, I felt awkward in this group of people. That fact that I did not know anyone here was one contributing factor; another was the pervading sense that I was different from the people who sat beside me. I had not stepped foot in a church (and that was only for camp) since first grade and my family does not follow a particular faith. Our spiritual beliefs, and consequently our upbringing, contrasted with each other. Naturally, I felt somewhat detached from Sunny and her church friends.
I kept trying to find similarities (in this case, we all went to 6 flags before and one girl liked a French artist I listen to). I suppose I avoided facing the other people's because I thought that if I listened to their beliefs, I would be clouding my own convictions. But one ought to embrace others' differences, not overlook them. Contrary to what I thought, familiarizing myself with others' beliefs does not dilute my existing views. Instead, I feel that my road trip with the church strengthened my existing belief of a greater being and my values.
Immersing oneself in a diverse environment equates to self-discovery. During my time at Rutgers, I hope to build a greater knowledge of various cultures as well as incorporate others' viewpoints to my present morals, beliefs, and values. From this experience, I have gained a new perspective on diversity of faiths and in general, how to approach diversity in all respects-a [discovery/synonym for "perspective"] that I can contribute to the vibrant community of Rutgers.
____
Yeah -________- It's not a great essay. Consider this a freewrite. Any suggestions to improve this essay/finding a better topic would be appreciated.