'San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge' - makes Stanford a good place for you?

-Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

Sitting atop a cliff at the Marin Headlands, overlooking the lights of San Francisco, I couldn't help but ask myself: why would I want to leave this beautiful place? While I'm not too different from the average high school student in the regard that I, too am looking for a new experience, but for me, a new experience means Stanford. I am intrigued by Stanford's liberal art aspect and its connection with its graduate schools, as well as the many interdisciplinary studies offered, culminating in an expansive wealth of resources and opportunities.

The Science, Technology and Society Program is exactly the academic program that I've been looking for. My avid interests in science, law and math could only be satiated by this unique interdisciplinary program and let me avoid compromising my academic interests. Rather than devoting myself to one field of study, I would rather explore the interaction of science and society and the effects of technology on the world. I plan to flourish in the liberty of academic exploration and through STS, I will gain a comprehensive education while working closely with professors on engaging research.

I feel strongly that Stanford is the perfect place for my many future intellectual pursuits and that the STS program will give me both the freedom and support to help me discover my career goals. While there are other universities offering similar programs, only Stanford encourages such a high level of intellectual curiosity and discovery. At Stanford, I will be surrounded by and exposed to a new world of perspectives and expertise while staying in the amazing area in which I've had the privilege of growing up. Surely Stanford is merely an hour away from home, but it is an entirely different world which I would be blessed to be a part of.

your essay structure looks well fitted. My suggestion is ,you can talk about your goals and what are relations to realize them at Stanford, I mean which opportunities appeals to you (more specific answer) , because you just wrote common things such as good profs, researches,perspectives etc., there are not only belonged to Standord, they are common at good universities, just tell something more specific related to your life or your goals.

I agree. I think they want to make sure that when you graduate they'll be able to brag about you so make sure you mention some goals and what stanford will do to realize some odf these goals. very well written though.

Good Luck!

shan dog. this essay is so thoughtful, i can almost feel the ocean spray on my face and the
eery-ness (sp?) of the headlands at night. superb.

i actually really like this, but i agree with the others.

YAY ryan youre on!! ha even though i didnt mention the sideshows.. oh well. thank you :)

haha o wasnt there for that..uhhhh. anyways i just posted one of my essays...i best get on writing the rest.

This is the setting of so many fond memories, of , from adventures to Stinson beach to night hikes up Mt. Tam, to the breezy and exhilarating ferry rides to San Francisco in the summer.---> at the point where I finish this sentence, I am thinking, "Okay, when are you going to answer the question about why stanford?" BTW, this was not a complete sentence as you had written it! It is long, but it had no predicate.

Of course, I am not too different from the average high school student in the regard that I, too, am yearning for a vastly new experience in college, but for me finding a new experience doesn't necessarily mean moving across the country to be made fun of as the Californian learning the true meaning of a snowy winter.

I will be surrounded by and exposed to a new world of people, professors, research, perspectives and expertise without having to leave the amazing area that I've had the privilege of growing up in.---> not good to end a sentence with a preposition. Write like this:

... the amazing area in which I've had the privilege...

Oh.. so the answer to the question is that you want to attend so you don't have to leave home??? that is not as strong as it could be. If you are going to stanford because one of their professors is a hero of yours, that is good. If you want to go there because they have a program that is perfect for your well-defined plan for the future, that is good. I suggest adding something about a reason based on academic and professional goals.

:-)

kevin-
ok so i get what youre saying about how that reason may be weak, but i dont know what to do because i dont have a well defined future and actually i think stanford will help me realize what I want. I really dont have set academic goals because im the type of person who loves a broad range of things- im really into science and math but i LOVE history/ government so i dont want to lie and say i know exactly what the future holds for me and what exactly i plan to do at stanford... do you have any suggestions for what i can do?

Here is a newer version with a little bit of added info about academics... obviously still not done but I wanted to see if I'm on the right track

READ ABOVE

I actually enjoyed this. However, I think a reference to something specific, or exclusive, to the school would be good. At the moment your reasons are typical, simply because the majority of them can be achieved at most top universities. Maybe you should look for that "spark" that makes you say "This, this is why Stanford is perfect for me, this right here." Excellent start though.

try shortening the first sentence itting atop a cliff at the Marin Headlands overlooking the lights of San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge, I couldn't help but ask myself: why would I want to leave this beautiful place? This place that I have so many fond memories of, from adventures to Stinson beach to night hikes up Mt. Tam, to the breezy and exhilarating ferry rides to San Francisco in the summer.

If you have extra word space then keep it./ I just think you can shorten it and use the left over word space to explain other stuff

Thanks yeah I shortened the first sentence but its still 2061 characters (359 words) and it needs to be under 1800 characters... so I can't add anything as it is until i can crop other things out.. any ideas?

(I still need to find a place where I can add what everyone suggested)

Many times in life you will be unsure of something, but in order to accomplish your goal of THIS MOMENT you need to be decisive and choose something.

Imagine you and I are playing a game where we look into your future to see what you will do with this life. Being creative, you might select one of the three careers that you are most likely to pursue, and then write the essay like this:

Start by talking about how to are so determined to be an excellent teacher, laying the foundations of children's intellectual lives, that you were planning to trael far and wide in order to attend the perfect school.

Name some schools that can empower you as a teacher... schools all over the country.
Then use the second half of the essay to tell the reader that you realized that the programs and resources at Stanford are perfect for your specific philosophy about life and teaching. Conclde by saying that you realize that the perfect school is right here after all.

This shows tremendous introspection and determination.

Tao Te Ching verse 26 says: "The unmoved is the source of all movement. Thus the Master travels all day without leaving home."

I feel strongly should be I strongly feel?

I feel that your essay does a good job of answering the prompt. Maybe read through it a couple of times to catch any awkward phasing, sentence structure, etc. and it should be good. [: