This is what I have so far, I'm not completely done. Please help me tweak what I already have.
The prompt is for University of Florida.
Describe a meaningful event, experience, or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to UF campus.
I remember that day when I was on my school bus when the reflection of flashing lights and the loud cacophony of sirens caught my attention. I turned to look through the small square window out of the back of my bus to see a Temple Terrace Fire Department truck at the four-way stop sign I was just at. At the time, I didn't pay any attention to it. That day, when I returned from school, I learned that the fire truck was rushing to our "new house" that had caught fire the night before, something I thought was an impossibility.
Several years ago, my father had bought an empty lot in the same neighborhood we were living in and decided to build a bigger house to move into. My family christened it the "new house". It was exciting to see the rolls of blueprints he had, and my childhood dreams of having a beautiful staircase and a room painted lavender were coming true. My parents believe in saving every penny, so they decided they would build what they could themselves. Every Sunday, the only day my parents are free from work at our family restaurant, they would go over to work on the house. Over this long stretch of time, my enthusiasm slowly dissipated. How incredibly boring it was to spend my Sundays scraping paint off windows! Nevertheless, near the end of this construction, my family bubbled with excitement. We were busy packing items into boxes, buying furniture, and deciding on the color of curtains for each room.
Due to a minor electrical problem, a good portion of the house was destroyed in the fire in the morning. After finding this out, I dropped my backpack and pedaled over immediately on my bicycle to check on the house. As I was whizzing through the neighborhood, my thoughts flew to my father. I thought, "He must be devastated, he spent every Sunday there, the house has taken so long..." Upon arriving at the house, however, my father gave me a strong hug and uttered the clichéd words, "Everything will be okay." These simple words struck me. They echo in my mind when I'm sitting with my head in my hands, trying to study for a biology exam or finish writing an English essay.
Thinking about my family that day reminds me there is always that light at the end of the tunnel. My father inspired me with the valuable lesson of perseverance. Instead of dwelling on the loss, he immediately began to salvage and rebuild. The experience taught me to pick up the pieces and try again, even when it seems impossible. The experience also grounded me and taught me a lesson of empathy I know I can use in college and beyond in times of hardship or happiness alike. Hearing those sirens, I never thought it would be my house on fire. I know when I begin my college career at the University of Florida, I will take these valuable lessons with me.
One thing I'm worried about is does this fit as a meaningful event? When I think of meaningful event I think of positive things. =/
I want to keep on going on this essay about how my dad's strength reminds me to never give up. Something along the lines of that. And that with this I will always strive to achieve in college.
Thanks!
Try something that is not as cliche as "light at the end of the tunnel." Can you think of your own metaphor?
If you have time to work with this some more, I think you should condense the story into half the size and spend much more of the essay answering their question about how it will affect the contribution and success you will provide as a student there.
Your writing is excellent! The story is told very well. If you check out the contributor page, maybe you can help a lot of people -- especially those who don't speak English well.
