The school has always been a dream of mine. fsu essay "vires, artes, mores"

this is what i have written soo far.. what do you think? do i have the right idea?? i just need help please....

The latin words "vires, artes, mores" have each reflected my life in some way or another. "Vires" probably alittle more than the other two. The latin word Vires can be defined as the strength of all kinds such as moral, physical, an intellectual. Throughout my highschool career I have shown to follow just that. I am a person of much creativity, determination, and dedication. I work hard to succeed in the things I love to do whether its dance or my studies. My good grades and many dance titles I have won can be evidence for that. When my grandmother passed away, it got me to thinking about how precious life really is, and how I should not take it for granted. She taught me to strive for things I wanted more than anything. And what I want more than anything is to attend Florida State University. I am determined to getting accepted to your school because it has always been a dream of mine to go there, and maybe even become a golden girl. I have always strived for the best. Through my creativity, dedication and knowledge I know I could succeed at Florida State University. I chose Florida State University for many reasons but most importantly because I love the school and the values it is based upon. I believe I have those qualities and can be an asset to your school.

Hey,

I had trouble on this essay topic too... Maybe you could elaborate more on your dancing and write that under the "artes" topic, which "alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art"

-Alex

Nice input!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

fsu essay

Florida State's Latin words "Vires, artes, mores" has guided not only the students of the university, but also me as well. Those values are very essential to my life; and I believe they have made me the person I am today.

"Vires" means the strengths of all kinds-moral, physical, and intellectual. This concept has probably been the most beneficial throughout my high school career. I am a student that desires to do well in school, whether it is making an A on that physics exam or just fitting in. With hard work, and dedication I have used the values of vires to do just that. In the past years, vires has tested me with test of friendship, injuries, and my studies. But I used the strengths that embody vires and surpassed them and chose right from wrong.

"Artes" alludes the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, art, or craft. Artes is probably the word that describes me as a person best. Since I was about four years old ,I have had a strong passion for dance. Besides my love for my family and others, dancing is what I love the most. Like other arts, dancing is a skill that requires dedication, passion, strength and I find all three of those qualities in my self. Martha Graham once said "I am a dancer. I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living... In each it is the performance of a dedicated precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which comes shape of achievement, a sense of one's being, a satisfaction of spirit. One becomes in some area an athlete of God." That quote means a lot to me because it describes me as a person very well. This quote has taught me that no one is perfect but with practice you can succeed. From dance, I have learned self- discipline, and patience in which I use on a daily basis whether its school or practice.

"Mores" refers to character, custom or tradition. Character is built upon the experiences you go through and how you overcome them. Looking back on my life, I have been through many hard times. One of the hardest times for me, was when my grandmother passed away. Even though she is gone, she will always be my role model. She was a woman of courage, hard work, and a loving nature. From her passing, I learned life was to precious to not go for what you want. In that sense, I believe I could be a tremendous asset to Florida State University.

is that better????

soo should i keep it in or just take it out???

Depending on your word count requirements, it might be easier to just take it out. If you leave it in you will have to rework the whol second paragraph.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

okay thanks...but is it good otherwise?

I think so; you briefly touch on all of the characteristics, giving good examples of each. The only thing that needed improvement was the ending.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

okay thanks...i guess ill sent it in then