Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
One main point of concern is whether the second paragraph ("Alongside my schooling...") is even necessary, or if there should be some form of a conclusion. Either way, I would appreciate feedback and Thank You in advance for your help.
Check-up on Tuesday, Physical Therapy on Wednesday, Allergy Shots Friday. Stitches removed next week, and maybe an eye exam to update my prescription. As your standard 17 year old kid with more Medical Problems than I can count on my fingers, I have been to just about every doctor you can think of. From Allergy Shots to Asthma treatment and from Optometrists to Cardiologists; from day one there has always been SOME type of impending medical appointment that I had to catch, be it for a crucial test or just a follow up. Amazingly, I was never bothered much by going to them, seeing as they all seemed to have one thing in common; the one thing I wanted from them. For years I couldn't understand what this interest, this "connection" so to speak, was. But finally, one day it hit me. Knowledge. All it took was a 7th grade science class to unlock the utopia that was the Human Body. I had finally begun to understand what all this "doctor speak" meant! It was here that I first realized my love of the sciences. It was the first class that I actually felt myself engaged and interested in what I was learning; a feeling that was not familiar to me at the time. Upon my entry to high school, I was placed in Freshman Biology. It was here that I got my first taste of what High School science was like, and I definitely wanted more. While other classes fluctuated between slightly difficult or humorously easy, Science quickly became the one class that I could rely on for an A. Fast forwarding through the Honors Science courses provided at my school, I eventually found the one I was searching for at the very start of this year: Advanced Physiology. The class that was only separated from AP stature due to the fact that there is no necessary freshman level Physiology class in most colleges. This class really began to sharpen my focus in the medical world, as we started to observe specific body systems and functions. As we progressed through the various organs, I saw each and every part in a completely new light. I was, and still am, amazed at the beautiful intricacies of the body. Immune systems, circulatory systems, I was loving every moment of it. From very early on I realized that I simply could not stop here. This class essentially planted to seed that will now grow and mature over the years, as I delve deeper into the depths of medicine and the body. I do this all with the hopes that one day, I too can become one of these many doctors I have come in contact with. An intelligent being who wakes up every morning knowing that they get to spend their day in an effort to improve everyone else's. Having that special empathy, knowing what it feels like to be sitting in a doctor's office with some ailment or another, only fuels my desire to do anything in my power to make that person feel better.
Alongside my schooling, there were always my parents. They were always pushing me, making me want more out of myself. They helped form some of my study habits and to this day I still owe my life to them. Being from an Indian family, school is always pushed VERY hard. Even in the second grade I remember going over multiplication flash cards night after night. It was from them that I got my love of the sciences. Every child in an Indian family knows how much emphasis is put on the job of doctor. In fact, today's society has somewhat of an "Indian Doctor" stereotype. Had it not been for this early influence, I might have never learned how much interest I had in the human body, and am very grateful for the early guidance I received.
Word Count: 651
In order to even out the paragraphs a little you might want to split the first one between "; a feeling that was not familiar to me at the time. " and "Upon my entry to high school, "
You might want to put your last paragraph first in the sense that your parents gave you the love of science, the appointments and 7th grade let you come to that realization, and how high school developed this love.
As we progressed through the various organs, I saw each and every one in a completely new light.
I was, and still am, amazed at the beautiful intricacies of the body. Immune systems, circulatory systems, I was loving every moment of it. From very early on I realized that I simply could not stop here. If this is a senior year course it might be a little odd to refer to it in the past tense since it has only been two months.
This class essentially planted to seed that will now grow and mature over the years, as I delve deeper into the depths of medicine and the body. Is the seed to become a doctor not your parent's encouragement and your visits to doctors?
I think you did a nice job with your essay (I just read someone else's with the same prompt and it's almost funny how different they are) I think you are very focused and straight forward. My only qualm is that I think you did a lot of unnecessary capitalization in the middle paragraph (Allergy Shots, Physical Therapy, Medical Problems, Asthma etc.)
Nice job and good luck with your college search
