"Scientist In Action" -- UIUC Academic Essay

In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.

The first time I saw a scientist actually working in a lab, I was filled with both awe and jealousy. A physicist of Argonne National Laboratory was conducting a tour of the Advanced Photon Source, and he led us by Sector 19, a wing dedicated to the study of Structural Biology. As I paused at the window, watching her gaze at a computer screen that was harvesting the energy of powerful x-rays to observe molecules at the atomic level, questions inundated my mind. What kind of molecule was she studying? What larger study or solution was her research a part of? What did I have to do to get on the other side of the glass?

The physicist, seeing that my interest was piqued, quickly handed me a booklet of research highlights at the facility. On the pages were colorful protein molecules and fascinating headlines, such as "Molecular Mechanisms and Drug-Resistant Cancers". Here were the intangible molecules I had seen in my AP Biology textbook being studied and constructed in the real world. Here was the research of scientists who were observing and manipulating life at the nanoscale to solve global problems.

Chemical & Biomolecular Engineering is an attractive major to me because it is precisely at the junction of my interests and academic strengths. I want to see differentiation, stoichiometry, phospholipids, Newton's laws, and other textbook concepts manifest themselves practically. I want to apply what I know by creating something, with raw materials, that is cost effective and that also unravels problems, fights diseases, and benefits others.

After I graduate, I hope to be on the other side of the glass producing a vaccine to combat the 2015 influenza virus, concocting the latest Orbit gum flavor, and inspiring other young scientists to pursue their interests.

(296 words)

Unfortunately, I didn't spend too much time on this since I'm applying to U of I as a back-up school so it is probably worse than what I've written in the past. I'd like feedback on grammar, awkward phrasing, and overall ideas (e.g. do i make it clear why i'm interested?).

Thanks for looking over this :)

I strongly suggest spending a little more time on this. The last thing you could want is getting reject from a backup because you didn't put enough effort into its application.


Who is here referring to? The wording here is a little awkward too. I suggest splitting the sentence up into two.


Maybe a typo? If it is, disregard the first question on the second note above. :]



You don't need commas here since you're describing with the object immediately with the words "with" and "that."

One more suggestion: Try to add smoother transitions between the paragraphs. It is a bit jumpy to me.

...he led us past Sector 19, a wing...--- for clarity

Harvesting may be the wrong word.

You can make this stronger by taking out some of the questions and details of the story and instead reading -- say... 5 articles that fascinate you. I am sure you have read professional journal articles about scientific research, but read a few today in order to get some fresh ideas. Then, your mind will be filled with specific research areas you would enjoy.

This is already impressive, but if you fill it with specific research areas you want to study it will be even better.