Scripps College - Why Scripps? - Graffiti Wall

What about Scripps College has inspired you to apply? (200 words)

When I first heard about Scripps College, I immediately dismissed it for being an all-women school. However, I was interested in its sibling schools Pomona and Claremont McKenna and planned a visit to Claremont to learn more about them. Since Scripps was nearby, I registered for a campus tour and information session for Scripps as well.

What I saw there surprised me. Scripps exceeded my expectations and showed me the true worth of a women's college, notably greater leadership opportunities and a supportive environment. Besides, Scripps is unique in that it is part of the Claremont Colleges; I could enjoy the support and community of a small college while experiencing the diversity and multitude of opportunities that a bigger co-ed university would offer.

After the tour, I decided to explore the campus and the Claremont college town while walking back to the hotel I was staying at with my family. When I saw the Graffiti Wall I imagined myself painting on it after graduating from Scripps. Then, I saw the colorfully quaint houses where graduate students and professors lived that beckoned to me and whispered of the lively intellectual life they harbored. And I was hooked.

word count: 195
--- Does the last sentence sound weird?
--- Any suggestions are welcome! :)

This may not be too helpful but in one of my application essays I ended it how
you did and then had my teacher look it over and she took the "And" out of the
last sentence because without it the statement is more powerful. I guess it just
adds more emphasis to the line and essay overall. I think your response is very
straightforward which is good because you directly address the prompt, but
maybe change up the structure to make it more captivating? Maybe address
the graffiti wall in the first paragraph so you can tie it in at the end?

You should take out the "And" in the last sentence to make it more direct and potent. I don't know if this will help but maybe you should take out "the Claremont college" in the third paragraph. It seems like you're more focus on the prestige of being a part of Claremont colleges then the actual school itself. Then again it would still work if you left it in because it's relating back to the There could be more description about the graffiti wall. I hope I helped!

.... I like the way you begin your answer, this is different from what others begin their answers :D


Add a few more things to elaborate on how they facilitate greater leadership opportunities.It's an important point. They want to know that you have understood Scripps's strengths and how those features can help you achieve your goals.