this is my common app essay
the last sentence needs inspiration! I will be grateful to any idea.
Hey, little girl who sits beside me on the crowded bus. I see you looking around curiously, excited ?
It is quite magic that I meet you at three o'clock on a cloudless afternoon. Warm breezes slide through the windows, and glaring sunshine sheds on your forehead. You have a beautiful life, a life filled with happiness and love. When you dream of a bright future, I see your face light up.
Yes, life has bestowed all goodness upon you, naivety and animation. A wonderful trip is right around the corner, waiting patiently for your advent.
Don't hesitate ,my dear. Take your first step and everything will be clear. Nothing is impossible, even a distant journey across the woods all alone. You see, fluttering flowers are waving their hands, and a sparkling dewdrop is greeting you like a prince. Life is more attractive than all of the fairy's tales, and now you can smell the fragrance coming from the bluebell.
Do you see the massive branches stretching from the tree? That's where I always sit. Reading a book in the shade of green, I find my life as fascinating as nothing else can be. A scoop of spring and handful of currants, my banquet is held in the middle of the forest. We shall dance and we shall sing, fearlessly flying like eagles through the wind. Give me your hand my love, chasing the sunrise; we are young.
" But, why is tear tracing down your cheek?" you inquired, wiping my face and looking puzzlingly.
" because the sun is too beautiful to behold." I mumbled, staring at the azure sky and clenched your shoulder very tight.
The sun is so bewitching that I can't stop running toward it. The corona blurs my view and the radiation burns my irises. But yet my feet resist to rest, like a rotating machine at full speed.
Life is never quantized in perfection. Flaw delineates the landscape of our trip; regrets map out the routes we have been .
I have been accompanied by two great friends, whirling storm and pouring hail. They carry the lanterns and trail my signs. They mark the paths and guard me at night. Supporting each other in a deserted island, we wandered around with hearts fastened. I was stumbling on the edge of a jungle, a murky ground where I broke my ankle. Inhaling a mouthful of wet air, I heard the pain roaring in my ears.
There is nothing to be afraid of, little girl. Intimidation exhausts your hopes and dread strips off your energy. Tears are valued, for your life can be moisturized. Pain is approved, for your body can be strengthened. Hardship will only make you more determined and refreshed. Take a deep breath, my friend, to you, the brightness will be presented.
Hey, little girl who sinks her head in my arm. Your smile is stunning and your eyes are in the ray of sunset. I see confidence in you. Come up and make the step, onto the possible, onto a beautiful life.
My reaction, poignant essay. I never heard of the word quantized...is it from quantum physics??
Very sublime and like dew, your essy. Inspiring of Tinkerbell and fireflies!!
What a lovely essay,very creative,well written and different. Your vocabulary is not only great,but also consistent. Its so good that I struggled to find anything wrong with it,but here's my 2cents worth anyway:
1. "It is quite magic that" should read "it is quite magiCAL that.."
2. "Running toward it". Edit to : "running towardS it"
3. "But yet my feet". But and Yet are interchangeable, so it is not necessary to mention them in the same sentence,let alone next to each other. Try "Yet, my feet..." And its better than starting a sentence off with the word But.
That's all I could find, and I think your conclusion is beautiful.
However,the purpose of this essay is to shed light on who you are and at the end of the essay I know that this is a very creative essay,so I take it the writer is creative,but I know very little about what the writer has been through in their life?
If there is more to you than your creativity then you should display it in this essay.
If you not applying for a major in Creative Writing then I think its best that this essay goes under "additional information" and then write something that says more about your experiences and how they have shaped you.
That's just my opinion,do ask other people though, sometimes I don't trust myself,lol.
I hope I was able to help!
Please read my Yale essay, I would really appreciate the feedback. Thanks!
