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"Self-portrait" MIT significant challenge



sfw 4 / 9  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

"No, the eyes are too small. And the mouth seems crooked" I mumbled, shaking my head. Picking up the paper and holding it up to the light, I scrutinized the pencil markings. I cocked my head to the side, looking from the paper to the mirror and back to the paper again. This wasn't me. Crumpling up the paper, I heaved a sigh and tossed it to the side. All around me were the remains of unsatisfactory attempts. Even after all these years of living with the girl in the portrait and spotting her every time I passed by a mirror, I still couldn't depict this girl that I should know best. Just as I had trouble writing about myself, drawing myself wasn't much easier. What was so different between my drawing and the image in the mirror? The eyes; they didn't reflect my determination and the concentration in the slight arch of my eyebrows. My mouth didn't capture my slightly pursed lips, signaling my anxiety and my frustration. I realized it wasn't about my drawing skills; it was about how I viewed myself as a person. Here I was, trying to create something aesthetically pleasing, something to fit society's model of beauty. But this wasn't supposed to be about that. This was about portraying myself honestly, with all my imperfections. Just as in the mirror, this was a reflection. An introspection. I put away the mirror and started again. From memory, I drew a self-portrait in my own style. Holding it up to the light again, I could see the contentment in my smile.

It's 265 words, so it's over the word limit. Please give me feedback about the content, idea, style, and grammar, and also about what I can condense or cut out! Much appreciated!

gigi5 3 / 12  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
I can't help with style and grammar, but I think you're idea is nice. :)
Not a very useful comment, but I just wanted to say that I like it.
MirayPhilips 5 / 35  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
This was not me.

I still could not depict

It's neater if you write out the words in full than use abbreviations. Those are just a few of them.

What was so different between my drawing and the image in the mirror?

You could condense this to: Why wasn't I satisfied with the drawing? Or take the whole idea of a question out and say: I was not satisfied with the drawing because my eyes didn't reflect...

You could also condense this sentence to: From memory, I drew a self-portrait. in my own style .

Apart from all of that, I really like the idea and I like how you structured the essay. It's catchy!
Good luck!
Shanky 2 / 9  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
It's not wrong if it goes 350 words but it should become more catchy per word u xcd


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