"A Sense of family", Denison supplement

Please write a paragraph or two briefly describing your reasons for applying to Denison:

"Hi, nice to meet you. Are you from Vietnam? I would be happy to introduce to you the rest of the Vietnamese in our school", a Vietnamese student said to me during my visit to Denison last spring. His friendliness made me have a warm feeling of a person who has just come back home. Next, I looked around the dining room to have a better sense of Denison students. Surprisingly, I saw hundred of smiling faces everywhere. There was one thing that I knew for sure during the three hours being there: Denison is a small, friendly community, and every member loves it and supports the others. I felt a sense of family in there that I did not see in anywhere else during my college trips. I want to be a part of Denison, to support and to be supported. I strongly believe that Denison, with its strong academic teaching based on the liberal arts education, and a commitment of support each other will help me to develop myself into a successful individual.

So how do you guys think? Any comments are appreciated
I will review any essay that needed, thanks

i just need to say that you could easily replace the words "Denison" with any other college name.
these kind of essays look for specifics; for you to prove that you did your "homework" on the school.

***PLEASE EDIT MY COMMON APP! :D

I love how you started off!! Could go more into detail about your experience and what are interests you about Denison.

A quick question. Is there a length-limit for the common apps personal statement?

No, it should be around 500-700 though... and this is supplement btw :D