Hi, I just did my essay 1 quickly. I need your help to know whether I have mistaken
and if the sentences are appropriate.
Your help will be very much appreciated! :)
To be exact 5 years and a month ago, the second stage of my life got started as I left from my country to Malaysia. Though I had to abandon my family, many of my loved friends and everything, I was too agog to study abroad in English. We study English hard in South Korea because it is one of the most important subjects, but I was not satisfied with that but eager to master English in a country where English is being used. Sometimes I find myself so brave to face challenges and overcome them, so I was in deciding to come to Malaysia. It may sound weird that my parents and I decided Malaysia other than United States for studying English, but this was because we had heard that Malaysia had good environment and many international schools.
I was 16 years old, slightly late to master a foreign language but still immature to be alone. As a result of having lived far apart from family for several years and missed my country badly, I came to suffer from a devastating disease-loneliness. So I became much dependent on my friends, neighbors and church people, but I couldn't avoid problems and conflicts with them, which made life more difficult for me. It only taught me that no one could keep beside me, fully understanding me. It let me realize that no one was actually there to listen to me, ironically, though I had many human relations. I have been brought to the painful truth that nobody can fully take others as they are, because people are very much different in terms of their thinking way, mentality, interpretation and attitudes.
To be frank, I was quite hurt to realize that. During the last five years that I have struggled, I have come to a conclusion that I shall be the one who listens to others. I remember how difficult times I had when I was alone, failed to find any shelter, anyone who understood me. In those times, what really consoled me was a voice from adversity, which told me to dedicate my life to listen to others who might be suffering as I once was. I could feel much easier and relaxed when I realized my life is for others and not myself.
I set my value on life for others, which can be compared to "Blue Ocean" where not many people know about, have tried to go before, and even find it worth to go. I want to listen to others, understand them and do my best to take them as they are. This is why I decided my major as Psychology and to study Clinical Psychology.
To be exact, five years and one month ago, the second stage of my life began as I left from my country to go to Malaysia. I had to abandon my family, many of who I loved; friends and everything. I was eager to study English abroad. We study English often in South Korea. English stands out to me more than any of my other classes. I was eager to speak the language fluently so living in America, where English is the main language, would be easy. Sometimes I find myself brave to face these challenges and overcome them. It may sound weird that my parents and I decided to move to Malaysia instead of the United States to study English, but Malaysia has a good environment and many international schools.
I was 16 years old, slightly late to master a foreign language, but still immature to be alone. As a result of having lived far apart from family for several years and missed my country, I began to suffer from an unfortunate felling: Loneliness. I became dependent on my friends, neighbors and the people of my church, but I could not avoid problems and conflicts with them. This made life entirely more difficult for me. ***( It only taught me that no one could keep beside me, fully understanding me.)*** It let me realize that no one was there to listen to me. Ironically, I had many human relations. I have been brought to the painful truth that nobody can fully take others as they are, because people are very much different in terms of their mental state, their interpretation and attitudes.
I was quite hurt to realize that. During the last five years that I have struggled, I have come to a conclusion that I shall be the one who listens to others. I remember how difficult times were when I was alone and failed to find any shelter or anyone who understood me. In those times, what really consoled me was a voice from adversity, which told me to dedicate my life to listening to others who may be suffering from what i once experienced. I felt much easier and relaxed when I realized my life needs to be devoted to helping others.
I set my value on life for others I want to listen to others, understand them and do my best to take them as they are. This is why psychology as my major is important to me so I will be able to pursue my interests in my life.
I went through this essay and edited everything that I thought should be changed, or rephrased. In your sentence " It only taught me that no one could keep beside me, fully understanding me.", I was not sure what you meant by that, so I added parentheses so you could go back and edit it. Other than that, I think it is a decent essay.
Best of luck!
-CMD
