'Not settling for medicore any more' - UF ESSAY meaningful experience

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! My outside hitter slammed the ball into a hole in the other teams defense. AYY! The crowd rushed the court. I fell on my knees, completely wiped out, and screamed with joy. My team had just won the Korean State Volleyball Tournament. The final third game was a hard fought battle with 11 match points (in volleyball the team has to win by two points). That moment I realized that hard work can really pay off in the end. For the first time in my life I felt as though I could do anything if I put my mind to it. I have always thought it was just a clichï that adults tell kids to try to motivate them. But in that surreal moment, I realized even if all odds are against you concentration and commitment can help surmount what seems impregnable tasks or goals.

I beamed into the camera as my picture was taken for the newspaper with the championship trophy and the tournament director. I lead the tournament in assists and was second in blocks and aces. In the final match, victory seemed unyielding. My team was down by two and the other team was at match point. As the opposing team's hitter came to slam in their victory, I came up at the last second for a one handed block to pump up my team and rally them to victory. In my life, I have played in hundreds of volleyball games, but the final points of this game will forever be etched on my mind.

This victory has changed my outlook on life. I used to just settle for mediocre. I used to ignore the people who are better than me, but I boosted my confidence by thinking of those that are worse than me. I convinced myself that those who were better were just more committed or just naturally smarter and better than me. I was content with living an intermediate life. But now I realized that now I could be at the top. I could be one of those people that I used to ignore. Now when I see people doing a better job, I would strive to try to keep up with them or maybe even hope to surpass their achievements.

The prestigious University of Florida is made up of thousands of the top, elite students of the nation. The scholars and prodigious professors can help stimulate and forge a path to success. My newfound confidence can instigate an academic passion for progress. My time at UF will be the stepping-stones for my path in life. Your institution can provide the tools and knowledge necessary for prosperity. I will genuinely contribute much of my energy to the progression of your university. As one of the top universities of the world, why would I want to settle for anything less than the great GATOR NATION.

all and any comments will be helpful
ps please dont delete this again...
i really need help with this essay

Feels weak and is riddled with grammatical errors. Check through it once more and post back.

Is the essay as a whole weak
or parts of it

Your essay needs serious work, its really confusing. Re- read it a couple of times and smooth it out because this reads like you wrote it in 10 minutes. It has a lot of grammar issues, but stay on it because your topic is pretty good.

hyungjiny
I used to just settle for mediocre. I used to ignore the people who are better than me, but I boosted my confidence by thinking of those that are worse than me. I convinced myself that those who were better were just more committed or just naturally smarter and better than me.

i would suggest removing that part entirety because i literally laughed out loud when you said " but i boosted my confidence by thinking of those that are worse than me." it just sounds so wrong

also i asked why my essay for FSU kept getting deleted and they said that your Title post needs to be more specific

I don't much like the tone of the essay. You say too many things that make you sound either judgmental or arrogant and self-absorbed. For instance:





This sort of language does not endear you to your readers. What the admissions officers want to know is what makes you a good candidate, which you should show by talking about what the experience you choose to write about means to you. You don't talk about that experience at all after the first paragraph. It seems almost superfluous to your essay, when it is meant to be the main point. Why was the volleyball game such a turning point for you?

I have to agree with EF Sean.

BUT...there is a way out. You mentioned in the first paragraph about your experience in overcoming boundaries and limits. Instead of focusing on the great GATOR NATION, why not talk about overcoming personal barriers and how you've learned about excellence from your experiences. Much more interesting, I assure you.

UF meaningful experience number 2

I decided my old one was not a good topic
completely new essay
please read and critique

I may not be my school's smartest student or the best athlete. Neither am I the best looking nor the funniest. Then, how is it almost all 3,133 students can recognize both my name and face? It is a simple answer. I am Asian. If you were to go up to any of the Oviedo High School students and asked them if they knew a Hyung-jin Kim, the stereotypical answer will start off with "oh that one Asian kid who _____." Not "the kid who is on the announcements" or "the senior with glasses who plays volleyball". No, the answer will almost always start with the Asian kid. They call America the world's largest melting pot, where all nationalities and ethnicities blend into one big nation. This may be true on a large scale, but in a small town in Central Florida, especially one that is nicknamed the "hick town of Seminole County", that phrase does not apply. Here I stick out like a yellow corn kernel in a big bowl of white flour, literally. My life has been greatly altered by my experience as an Asian American. It has forged a personality and attitude that keeps me open and optimistic.

I was born in Seoul, South Korea on September 2nd, 1992. My family immigrated to the U.S. when I was 5 years old. Living in a new country to a five year old is like moving to a different planet. I didn't know the language, the people looked much different, and I was just plain scared. I can recall many nights when I cried to my mom begging her to move back home. As a child growing up I was shy and extremely self-conscious. To exacerbate problems, I was terrorized by jokes about my facial features, which were often followed by chants of ching chong chang. Half the time I didn't even understand what they were saying, I just knew it was something bad. But thankfully not all my peers were callous towards me, many were quite benevolent, particularly a pair of twins that lived across the street. They became my best friends, and we forged a friendship that is still strong today. They helped me cope with the teasing and helped with my English. I slowly became completely fluent in English and graduated from ESOL in the fourth grade. Now as a senior in high school, friends and teachers laugh at the thought of me not talking and being shy. Because of the tribulations I was able to contend with, I realized that life has much more meaning and depth to what it seems. At first life in America resembled a land of hardships and obstruction, but as I matured my eyes were opened to the actuality of the situation. Although it is somewhat of a cliché it is true, America is where opportunities are endless and dreams can be fulfilled.

The challenges and blockades I was able to surmount created a character that is open to any challenge. The once feeble child is now a completely different headstrong individual. My ability to cope with confrontations will benefit my college experience by keeping me pushing toward achievement even when it seems I will falter. The road is not always gleamed with gold. There will always be some potholes in the way. Just because there is a little dent in the path doesn't mean you have to stop. My experiences throughout my life has taught me to keep on pushing even though the road seems to be rough and beaten up. On my road in life, I hope that the University of Florida is one of the pit stops along the way to success.