This is my Cornell essay, please critique and edit my grammar. Point out any weakness. Thank YOU!
College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
I was seven when I started stuttering.
I was seven when my father passed away.
I was seven when my grandma was slightly paralyzed.
My love for science sprung from some of the most unfortunate events in my life. Like a scientist searching for answers, the first time I asked why something occurred was when I noticed my stuttering. Death brought more questions then answers and paralysis was a total mystery. Slowly as I grew up, I got answers to my questions though not complete or omnipotent.
I learned paralysis occurs due to damage to the nervous system and that the exact cause of stuttering is still unknown. Leading theorist believe stuttering maybe be a genetic or a neurological problem. I asked my first scientific question after I stuttered, and I received my first scientific answer after learning about paralysis. Though it hit me that death is inevitable, I later found out that my father's death could have been avoided. A primary reason for my father's death was being turned down by a hospital where he went because there were no present doctors. His death brought a desire to become a doctor and help others avoid the same fate.
I asked my first scientific question after stuttering, I decided to pursue a career in science after my father's death and I received my first scientific answer to paralysis. These three events combined with years of taking classes in science have created a desire to enter a science profession. A desire I can fulfill at Cornell with some interesting majors like Biological Sciences and Chemical Biology and classes like "What is Science?". However I leave all eyes, ears and doors open to a well rounded education.
Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences will provide a great liberal arts education with available opportunities in science research. I'm not searching for any education, I am searching for one found only at Cornell. A education that includes a great liberal arts program at the College of Arts and Sciences and science research opportunities at Cornell combined with intramural sports, a unique environment, quirky students, and delicious ice cream.
As I apply to The College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell University, I wonder of who I am and what I could become in the future. I can not yet define myself but only hope Cornell University will help my future endeavors. With the opportunities at Cornell, I can truly say that I will enter the scientific world or become a doctor. The challenges I have endured and will encounter motivates me to enter the world of science. I believe that with the unique, quirky and intelligent Cornellian environment, I will take a great stride in achieving me goals.
A primary reason for my father's death was being turned down by a hospital where he went because there were no present doctors.
^awkward sentence
I asked my first scientific question after stuttering, I decided to pursue a career in science after my father's death and I received my first scientific answer to paralysis.
^repetitive?
With the opportunities at Cornell, I can truly say that I will enter the scientific world or become a doctor
^ why OR? why not 'and'?
Please comment on my essay!
