Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 2


'Sharing information with Carliza' - personal statement.. to be ivy league worthy



foreverizel 2 / 2  
Aug 31, 2012   #1
As a seven year old, I always quizzed my three-year-old sister, Carliza. "What is tree plus tuhree?" I asked her. She gave me an intelligent, profound stare. I imagined her as a machine with dials, axles, and wheels turning in her brain. I grinned hard, showing off the place where my two front teeth previous resided. She put up three fingers and counted them. After she repeat the process, she said with certainty, "Six."

Everyday, I would rush home from school prepared to share my newfound information with Carliza. Teaching her was an escape from problems at home or school. At times, I would take on the role of a tyrant, forcing her to count to one hundred or write in her journal. After awhile, I learned to modify my lessons, so learning could be fun for her. I studied her reactions and thought-processes, wrote lesson plans, and sometimes took her on field trips to the backyard. Though I cannot take all the credit, I motivated her and gave her a desire for learning. Ever since then, I have loved to teach, learn, read, write, silently observe, and debate, particularly about the brain.

The brain governs our body. It controls our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, yet I know little about the brain. I want to understand why some people are different from others. I want to know how our brain makes us believe that a robe hung in the dark on our bedroom door is a ghost, after we have watched a scary movie. I want to comprehend the difference between the adult and teen brain. If I can cognize fight or flight, attraction, addiction, impulses, bliss, stress, and mental diseases, then I can make sense of the world around me. Better yet, I can treat people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, or autism. I can even educate our society on how to foster our brains.

If it's true that on average, the human brain has 70,000 thoughts per day, then I want to use mine wisely. Definitely, my plan after high school is to major in neuroscience, so I can study, travel, and educate them public.

DeNeil10 2 / 6  
Aug 31, 2012   #2
I can tell that you have a real passion for this topic, but have some suggestions.
Might want to shorten this sentence

Ever since then, I have loved to teach, learn, read, write, silently observe, and debate, particularly about the brain.

to something like "Ever since then, I have loved to research, debate, and even educate.."

Same goes for

I want to comprehend the difference between the adult and teen brain. If I can cognize fight or flight, attraction, addiction, impulses, bliss, stress, and mental diseases,

Also, the last sentence is a bit confusing..I think there might be a typo or missing word in there.

Otherwise, great essay and good luck.


Home / Undergraduate / 'Sharing information with Carliza' - personal statement.. to be ivy league worthy
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳