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'Shopping and Dinner with the Girls' - UCF HONORS COLLEGE



molzeeee 2 / 3  
Nov 24, 2008   #1
PROMPT:: It is Tuesday, March 14th, 2028. Please describe the entries in your appointment book for the day.

Can you please tell me if I need to add anything else and grammer issues? Does it follow the prompt?

As I was lying in bed, I could hear my alarm clock shrieking in my ear, and I knew I couldn't sleep any longer. It was time for me to get up and initiate my lively but demanding day. However, before I got up, like usual, I activated my holographic appointment book to be displayed in front of me, so I could go over the events of the day.

"9:00 A.M.ïVoice Activated Refrigerator Ad Presentation" seemed to be the first call of duty for the day. Being a promotional manager for my company, I have to be ready for anything that may come my way, including major presentations such as this. I just hope the idea of giving away a free transparent toaster will every purchase of our product will be well received by my boss! (I knew taking that Sports and Entertainment Marketing class in high school would pay off!)

The next line in my book said "12:30 P.M.ïLunch with Matt". Even though my husband likes to think it is a surprise to buy me lunch whenever I give a major presentation at work, I am always able to read him like a book because we both know each other so well. Nevertheless, I always act surprised, and always grateful for his romantic, thoughtful gesture.

I made a mental note to leave work earlier in my water-powered car that day so I would be able to pick up my daughter, Katelyn, from her after-school care early. The entry in my book, "3:30 P.M.ïKatelyn's Piano Practice" reminded me of this. I am elated that my daughter shows an interest in music just like I did when I was her age. I know I will always be able to make time to stay and listen to her practices, recitals, and whatever else she needs. I might even make some time for us to treat ourselves to some old fashioned ice cream, instead of the usual flash-frozen desserts our society is now used to, after her practice!

When I saw the next entry, "6:30 P.M.ïShopping and Dinner with the Girls", my face lit up. My friends and I, in spite of our hectic schedules, meet every single Tuesday to just converse about life, family, and each other so we never lose the bond we made in high school. It's a great escape from the complexities of life, and gives us all an opportunity to relax and unwind.

I was entered back into reality when I heard my alarm clock repeating its shrieking noise, and I quickly left the comfort of my bed to begin my day in the life.


EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 25, 2008   #2
Good afternoon :)

Mechanically, make sure you don't use contractions in formal academic pieces; for instance, "couldn't" should be "could not."

Make sure your punctuation is inside your quotation marks; for instance, "Lunch with Matt". should be "Lunch with Matt."

I think this is a great piece; it flows well and is easy to read. I wouldn't add anything else! Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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