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An essay that shows why I am going to be a great participant for the UGRAD scholarship

ahmed hawila 1 / 1  
Dec 30, 2016   #1
For me, a great participant is an active productive one who always seeks to reach his goals. Concerning my goals and achievement, I will showcase some of them down below.

I have joined many activities in my university and faculty like Tanta Medical Student Union in which I was a member of the scientific committee. And also charities like Resala charity where I became the head of the medical committee. I also joined Zewail City Friends (ZCF) where I organized some scientific events aiming expanding public awareness about scientific research.

Beside such these university activities and public work, I always did my best to get high scores at the exams all over the past 3 years.

After my 1st year in university, I participated in the competition of the Ideal student; I came first at the competition at my faculty, and coming second of university nominated for participation in the competition all over Egypt. After my 2nd year, I was one of 2 students chosen - all over the faculty - to participate in the exchange program with Omdurman University in Sudan.

In the 4th class, we study public health. One of its important topics is medical research. I found myself interested in medical research, so I decided to start my journey a little bit earlier and applied for Delta Thalassemia Centre for Control and Prevention (research project).

Also I joined a research team in Mansoura University called International Medical Research School, and together we organized the 1st Arab and Nile basin Medical Student Conference. Besides being one of the organization team, I presented a 15 minute session with much audience of student and arbiters in a competition held between students. My literature review presentation, which was about thalassemia, came first in this competition.

I believe that a one's life should be a combination of work, study, entertainment and volunteering. I have many hobbies and sources of learning other than my faculty as:

- Being a photographer. I am in love with photography and this hobby recently became a source of money. I also have finished an online course about the basics of photography on Coursera website.

- I play sports like swimming, tennis table and running but actually I am not professional in any of these.
3 - I attend conferences outside the medical field like that of the Arabian youth union about the Nile River and Nile basin countries held in Egypt 2015.

Actually, I have great motivation to participate in this program; I am looking forward to knowing more about the American culture and to meet new professors and students from all over the world. I always seek knowledge and new experiences, and I believe this one is going to be very helpful to me to get more knowledge about medical and non medical topics. And also participate in the community services and volunteering in NGOs of USA.

The experiences and benefits told by past alumni of UGRAD made me full of enthusiasm to participate.
This is why I think I am going to be an active participant.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,863 2644  
Dec 31, 2016   #2
Ahmed, there is a difference between being an active participant and a GREAT participant in the UGRAD scholarship program. The question is not whether you will be an active participant in the program but rather, if you can manage to be a great participant based on criteria other than academic. You do realize that there are thousands of participants or applicants to this program right? All of them will have similar credentials to yours. So these activities and academic achievements are not as impressive as you make them sound. There are always going to be better qualified applicants for the program who will outshine you. That is the keyword in this instance. Outshine. How can you outshine the other applicants? What sets you apart from them? What achievement do you have that the others might not have reached? The narrations of information that you have presented doesn't really make you stand out. What else can you offer the program that might make you a great participant? Focus on something that you have achieved that would indicate a compelling reason to consider you as more than just a possibly great participant in the program.
OP ahmed hawila 1 / 1  
Dec 31, 2016   #3
thanks a lot for your feedback . i would like to say it is not disappointing at all because yesterday i read some of your comments to other colleges here and totally edited the essay . so it will be nice of you if you read the new one tonight before 11:59 PM and thanks in advance

For me, a great participant is an active productive one who always seeks to reach his goals and does not let a moment in his life pass without learning something new. One should be always in a state of sharing and improvement.

That is what I always feel in my life, this what made me so enthusiastic to participate in UGRAD scholarship when I heard about it and knew the benefits told by past alumina.

Cultural exchange and sharing knowledge are very important for the entire humanity; this is what I believe in. The ethnic diversity among our university student made me full of interest to get involved into the Non-Egyptian cultures. Malaysian students in our college are as many as Syrians and other Arabian students, they share us their food, habits and even language or accents as we also make them get involved into ours. It is a great thing to have many friends other than Egyptians.

Fortunately, I had the opportunity to travel to Sudan in an exchange program organized by Arabian Universities Association; it was a great experience where I could make friends of students and doctors. The different travel conditions and people gave me a lot of experience to depend on myself and to deal with the difficult situations I had. There, we met students from turkey, Pakistan, Jordan and Saudi Arabia and we had time to share some of our cultures and traditions.

I think I am of a good degree of cultural exchange experiences which makes me hopeful to be an effective part in this scholarship as an ambassador of Egypt right there in USA and share my culture and knowledge about my home country with other colleges. Also knowing new doctors and students from all over the world is going to add to my experience and personality.

One's personality should be special and of a good impact on others. From this belief, I went through my community full of love and intention to be a positive person. I gave a hand with some of the NGOs in Egypt to help people in need financially and in other aspects. I think we are going to be able to participate in community services in USA and this of course will strengthen my volunteer skills.

Even I seek the same principle with my colleges. These volunteer activities helped me improve mu communication and leadership skills until being the leader of Resala medical convoys' team. These skills, for sure, will be developed when I get involved into the events of UGRAD.

My community has many medical problems as just any community does, especially concerning Non-Communicable diseases. My turn as a medical student and future doctor is to move forwards against these problems through being highly skillful in medical subjects and research skills. I have already taken my first steps in the medi cal research and actually I think UGRAD is going to enrich my medical knowledge and strengthen my research skills to be a good researcher. I have a dream to effective in this field and to achieve good results not only for the good of my community but the entire world.

This is why I think UGRAD is going to be great for me and I am going to be great participant for UGRAD.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,863 2644  
Jan 1, 2017   #4
Ahmed, you make mention of volunteering at organizations that helped you to participate in various programs related to cultural exchange or community service. You have to mention these specific groups and the time / year when you participated in the activity because the reviewer will want to verify those claims before considering it a valid claim in support of your application. Your essay too wordy at the moment. The length of the essay doesn't correspond to the content because you just keep on repeating the same statement over and over again with different references involved. I strongly advice you to simply choose the most impressive participation that you had which can justify your participation in the UGRAD program and present it in the essay. You have to review the essay and try to either shorten or present new information in each paragraph. Don't aim for length, aim for relevant content instead.

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