Essay on Significant experience or situation that changed my belief or thinking and why.

Prompt: describe a significant experience or situation that transformed your thinking or beliefs and why? (350 words maximum)

circumstances aren't important

Crouched beside my younger brother on one corner of the bed, we exchanged silent stares. He was hurt and so was I.
Earlier, a boy called tisloh, my neighbours friend had forcefully entered into our room and without hesitation had lounged into a series of disturbing questions like how my whole family fit into a single room apartment. Finally, he exclaimed that he was surprised that in this present day, a family could live in such a place with no basic necessities like a TV.

In my fifteen years of sharing a room with my family, I was really embarrassed. After that incident, I promised myself to work hard and become a better person. However, the thougt that i wasnt like my mates lingered on. I felt inferior to those I considered better than me.

However, in 12th grade, something spectacular happened. I fell ill and was homebound for a couple of days. Few days later, few of my concerned classmates visited my house. I remember the fear I felt when my mom informed me of their presence. However, all was forgotten when we began to chat happily and made jokes about each other. My mom even joined in the laughter. When they left, I was grateful they came.

Few days later I resumed school and my visitors couldn't stop talking about how they had so much fun at my place. One of my close friends even told me that my house was one of the best places she had visited. It was this gesture that opened my eyes.

I went home that day with a new perspective on life; to never let my situation define my personality. I realized that rather than paying attention to my circumstances, I could focus on using it to impact the lives of those around me. To my classmates, I was a source of happiness but I never realized that till that moment.

I have come to the conclusion that success isn't about the challenges I have faced but what I have become because of it.

Chinenye, this is a good draft that has room for improvement and additional information. Before I launch into that though, you need to correct some grammar errors that removes the attention of the reader from your message. These are mostly spelling and vocabulary mistakes that can easily be corrected. Shall we get started?

In the first paragraph, you need to first establish the kind of place that you live in because having your neighbors friend force his way into your room doesn't make sense. There has to be an explanation as to why a neighbor's friend could have easy access to your room. Do not use the word "lounged" because that refers to a state of rest. What you want to say is "launched" which means to suddenly start. The reason for the berating is shallow. Not having a TV is not enough reason for your brother and you to be that hurt as you depict in the essay. Consider some other reason. Something deeper like a reference to family planning, your parents jobs, racial slurs, or something that would call attention to the fact that this could really be an event that transformed your thinking and beliefs.

In the second paragraph. You need to explain why you were embarrassed and what you thought of your family situation at that point. This has to be the contrasting point to the time when your classmates visited her. This has to be the point in the story that had you contemplating your life situation and whether or not it was something you were ready to be proud or ashamed of. Use personal reflection in this paragraph.

Explain the change in your mindset after your friends visited you. Why did they enjoy their visit no matter how small your home was? What made it special for them? You don't really need the last line that you wrote in this essay. It ends on a stronger note with the previous paragraph.