Singing; Common App/ Extracurricular Activity

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

I stood front and center on the stage, as the spotlight beamed on my face. Although, I was in a room filled of people, I cannot hear or see anyone.I raised my head, took a deep breath and said to the crowd "I am going to sing a song titled 'Red Bean.' It is the symbol of love in my country." Suddenly the tune of ba-la-ba played, and I began to sing my heart out. I closed my eyes to visualize the lyrics and pour my soul into the song. When the last note ended, I opened my eyes, noticed the reactions of the audience. Surprisingly, I saw happiness and enjoyment on their face. Despite the fact that the song was sung in a foreign language everyone seem to understand the underlying message of love. With the spotlight still glaring on my face, I proudly smiled at audience.

guys please give some advice, be brutal!

1000 character maximum
I would add a bit more!

I stood front and center on the stage, as the spotlight beamed on my face. Although I was in a room filled of people, I cannotcould not hear or see anyone.I raised my head, took a deep breath and said to the crowd "I am going to sing a song titled 'Red Bean.' It is the symbol of love in my country." Suddenly the tune of ba-la-ba played, and I began to sing my heart out. I closed my eyes to visualize the lyrics and pour my soul into the song. When the last note ended, I opened my eyes andnoticedgauged the reactions of the audience. Surprisingly, I saw happiness and enjoyment on their face. Despite the fact that the song was sung in a foreign language everyone seem to understand the underlying message of love. With the spotlight still glaring on my face, I proudly smiled at audience.

Still a good story, but it's a bit short and readers might find it lacking. Add as many details as possible, and maybe add what happened after and what it meant to you.

Help me with my essay? :)

Good luck!