[Site Council] - Common App Short Essay

This is my possible submission for the short essay response. Thanks in advance for the suggestions!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

I was a freshmen sitting in a room with twenty staff members, eight parents, and seven other student representatives. It was one of several Site Council meetings that took place throughout the year. The Council's main focus is to devise strategies to improve the school. We discussed several issues for three hours-one being how to improve the newly implemented freshmen house. Many ideas were put forward; I suggested to have the freshmen house teachers plan their large assignments to not be due on the same day. Surprisingly, they thought it was a good idea to employ. I enjoy being able to express my concerns and to see the impact site council has on the school. Through site council I realized the power of having diverse perspectives and the importance of teamwork in making decisions. More importantly, I began to appreciate the positive difference a subtle change brings.

I began to appreciate the positive difference a subtle change brings.

To me, this is the best part of your short answer. I am also on a site-based management team. I would focus less on the semantics of who makes up a site-based team and "what" they do and more on the uniqueness of your specific team's efforts in your school.

This sentence has no action, no interest, no intrigue. It is good info, well written, but it should not be the first sentence of an essay. Let's add a sentence before this one!

I enjoy being able to express my concerns and to see the impact site council has on the school. obviously.

Okay, I challenge you to express the meaning of this essay in a single sentence. In a single sentence, you should let the reader know that you were part of the Council, that you made this suggestion, what people thought of it, and what it means to you (hint: If I really had to, I could give all that info in under 20 words)

Brevity = intensity. Express the truth of this essay in a single sentence, and you will be able to give a few more awesome sentences to make it more meaningful.

:-)