Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Deadline is coming up really soon, so can someone please scan my essay and give me some advice??
People stare at us and whisper among themselves every time I go somewhere with Amber. But I don't blame them, really. Because we are identical twins, and that means we are "rare" and "interesting". I often hear comments like "I wish I had a twin!" or "If only I had twin babies!" However, I can tell you with certainty, having your own clone is not just fun.
The worst thing about being a twin is that the entire world compares you to your twin in almost every aspect. The comparing starts the second you get taken out of your mother's stomach and set besides the identical baby who is five minutes older than you. The differences used to be small and insignificant. Amber was always a little taller than me. She ran a little faster, smiled a little more and always scored a few points higher then me in tests. But after the High School Entrance Exam, our differences were suddenly thrust under a magnifying glass. I didn't perform as well as expected and scored lower than my sister. As a result, Amber entered the famed experimental high school that we were both aiming for, while I entered high school near home. Since then, relatives and other people had looked at me with eyes that asked "why aren't you as good as your sister?" My envy towards Amber and disappointment in myself nearly drowned me, but she gave me comfort and encouragement. She helped me get back on my feet and regain the lost confidence in myself. She assured me that I could be just as good as her if I tried hard enough. I believed her. Holding on to that belief, I have worked extra hard in both academic and extracurricular areas during my years in high school to earn the respect and applause of those who once said I wasn't as excellent as my twin. I even began hoping that one day I could hear my mother tell my twin to "be more like your sister" as she used to tell me.
As I chased after my sister's success all this time, changes in my life and myself took place before I knew it. I found out that I could do so much better in my studies if I really put my heart into it; I could develop better learning skills and improve my efficiency. I learned to cope with being without Amber in a sea of classmates, to come out of the bubble she and I created and try out new things. I didn't even knew how much I'd changed until one day a friend whom I haven't seen since graduating from junior high exclaimed: "I didn't remember you were so outgoing!" I had thought I'd never get over being unable to be admitted into my dream high just because I scored a few points less, but after some time, I realized that it was no use crying over spilled milk. The important thing was to never give up on yourself.
I gradually came to realize that I wasn't only trying to catch up with my twin; I was breaking through the fetters I had put on myself. I learned that I didn't have to be the girl who always had to look up to her sister and follow her everywhere. I no longer looked down on myself just because I didn't go to the best school in the city. I stopped telling myself "I can't". By pushing myself to do things I thought I would never do, I have walked out of my twin's shadow. Time flies and now I face the challenge of applying to university. I stand once again shoulder to shoulder with my twin to compete and compare. But this time, I'm not afraid.
I really like it but maybe you can talk about how this experience(s) will help you excel in college
Yeah, I liked your essay as well. :)
But you should also add what your goals are for the future, and why you will succeed (in life and/or in college).
Thanks so much for the advice! I'll seriously think about it
Hello,
Having a twin certainly answers this prompt and I would strongly urge you to include that aspect somewhere in your application, especially if you will be applying to the same school. However, this story has already been told about 5 million times already. Yes, I know it is your story and yes it uniquely happened to you, but this is where you need to be creative and add an unexpected twist to this story so that it doesn't read like the same story that every twin has submitted since the beginning of college applications. -----I highly suggest that you select another topic if at all possible if you plan on applying to a top 15 school. If not, this essay will be fine with a few adjustments to grammar, structure and style. -Admissions Advice Online
Hope this helps.
I really liked your essay! You clearly showed how changed and developed through time. However, I think the last sentences should be revised. It sounds too cliche to end like that.
i like your essay, but i think you should include a specific event(s). it will draw the attention of the adcom and overall make your message more impactful. would you mind taking a look at my essay? i would appreciate it A LOT
