I used this essay for another university, I tweaked it a little to fit what MSU is looing for, but I don't know how to change the "I grew up" parts. This is my common app essay about a situation that transitioned me from childhood to adulthood and MSU's prompt isn't asking that. Please help me edit the childhood to adulthood transition part of the essay. Have I touched upon why I want to attend MSU well?
PROMPT: Explain your reasons for seeking admission to Montclair State University, including what you believe are your academic strengths and interests. Be sure to explain any situations that may have had an impact, either positively or negatively, on your academic record. List significant activities in which you have participated, both in school and out of school.
I woke up startled. I realized I had a big day ahead of me and rapidly threw the covers off. It was the day of my internship interview at the law firm Kenneth Vercammen and Associates. As I made some last minute adjustments to what I was going to say to Mr. Vercammen, it dawned on me that I was sixteen years old and getting ready for my first internship interview. Determination filled every bone of my body knowing an opportunity of this caliber meant the gateway to adulthood.
A few hours later, I confidently walked into the law firm dressed for the occasion; a blue blazer, black dress, and matching wedges. Without even realizing, this interview transformed me from a child to an adult. Upon entering, I was instructed to fill out a questionnaire, which would be given to Mr. Vercammen. When it was time for my interview, I walked into a white colored office with abstract portraits hanging on the walls. The room was quiet with little shuffles of papers. I firmly shook Mr. Vercammen's hand, a little too firmly as excitement and apprehension gravitated it's way into my grip. He started off with a joke, which I assumed was made to lighten the mood, but his efforts were unsuccessful due to my nerves being completely shot.
Although I was extremely apprehensive, I managed to answer all of Mr. Vercammen's questions without stuttering or using the words "like" or "um". I was not the little girl in "I Love Jesus" barrettes any more. I was a young woman with a high sock bun and a spring in every step that she took in every room that she entered. The once "introverted Marlina" was now "confident Marlina". At one point in my life when spoken to by an adult or an authoritative figure, I was incapable of looking him or her directly in the eye. That immature act of behavior was all put to rest the moment I walked through the doors of Kenneth Vercammen and Associates. That was the day the doors of my adulthood had opened, and the doors of my childhood has closed.
At the end of the interview Mr. Vercammen applauded me. He instructed me to email him to let him know when I would be available to start my internship. As I got up from my chair it finally registered in my mind that I successfully completed my very first internship interview. That day I finished one chapter of my life, adolescence, and embarked onto the next one, adulthood. With my arms outstretched I embraced the air that now had a new feel. I had evolved as a person and was ready for every opportunity that awaited me.
My profound love for history and law derives from my eighth grade career fair. Our class was given the chance to sign up for two careers that we wanted to find out more about, I signed up to learn more about becoming a therapist and an attorney. The instructor that came to represent attorneys was Senator Peter Barnes. He informed us about the everyday life of an attorney and what exactly an attorney does. Mr. Barnes also described to us how he enjoyed helping people and the way he chose to do that was through law. When he said that, I was immediately intrigued. At the age of thirteen, I was not aware of how much impact law has on an individual's life, that is why as soon as I entered high school I was determined to do well in all of my classes, especially History and English. Ever since the career fair, I've had a long term goal, to become a lawyer. I will persist with my profound love of history and law at Montclair State University by majoring in Political Science and taking classes such as Law in Society: Criminal Law, U.S Immigration: Law and Politics, Urban Politics. I would also love to participate in the internship at Washington, D.C as a Political Science major.
My internship has helped shape who I am today; a driven and dedicated young woman that is full of potential. Thanks to this life changing experience, I will be able to further develop what I have learned about myself with the help of the Montclair community. Interning at Kenneth Vercammen and Associates has better prepared me for a college career in the sense that I have learned the concept of hard work, commitment, determination, and social skills. These vital skills have helped structure the individual that I am today and has given me such potential to be a contributing asset to the Montclair community.
PROMPT: Explain your reasons for seeking admission to Montclair State University, including what you believe are your academic strengths and interests. Be sure to explain any situations that may have had an impact, either positively or negatively, on your academic record. List significant activities in which you have participated, both in school and out of school.
I woke up startled. I realized I had a big day ahead of me and rapidly threw the covers off. It was the day of my internship interview at the law firm Kenneth Vercammen and Associates. As I made some last minute adjustments to what I was going to say to Mr. Vercammen, it dawned on me that I was sixteen years old and getting ready for my first internship interview. Determination filled every bone of my body knowing an opportunity of this caliber meant the gateway to adulthood.
A few hours later, I confidently walked into the law firm dressed for the occasion; a blue blazer, black dress, and matching wedges. Without even realizing, this interview transformed me from a child to an adult. Upon entering, I was instructed to fill out a questionnaire, which would be given to Mr. Vercammen. When it was time for my interview, I walked into a white colored office with abstract portraits hanging on the walls. The room was quiet with little shuffles of papers. I firmly shook Mr. Vercammen's hand, a little too firmly as excitement and apprehension gravitated it's way into my grip. He started off with a joke, which I assumed was made to lighten the mood, but his efforts were unsuccessful due to my nerves being completely shot.
Although I was extremely apprehensive, I managed to answer all of Mr. Vercammen's questions without stuttering or using the words "like" or "um". I was not the little girl in "I Love Jesus" barrettes any more. I was a young woman with a high sock bun and a spring in every step that she took in every room that she entered. The once "introverted Marlina" was now "confident Marlina". At one point in my life when spoken to by an adult or an authoritative figure, I was incapable of looking him or her directly in the eye. That immature act of behavior was all put to rest the moment I walked through the doors of Kenneth Vercammen and Associates. That was the day the doors of my adulthood had opened, and the doors of my childhood has closed.
At the end of the interview Mr. Vercammen applauded me. He instructed me to email him to let him know when I would be available to start my internship. As I got up from my chair it finally registered in my mind that I successfully completed my very first internship interview. That day I finished one chapter of my life, adolescence, and embarked onto the next one, adulthood. With my arms outstretched I embraced the air that now had a new feel. I had evolved as a person and was ready for every opportunity that awaited me.
My profound love for history and law derives from my eighth grade career fair. Our class was given the chance to sign up for two careers that we wanted to find out more about, I signed up to learn more about becoming a therapist and an attorney. The instructor that came to represent attorneys was Senator Peter Barnes. He informed us about the everyday life of an attorney and what exactly an attorney does. Mr. Barnes also described to us how he enjoyed helping people and the way he chose to do that was through law. When he said that, I was immediately intrigued. At the age of thirteen, I was not aware of how much impact law has on an individual's life, that is why as soon as I entered high school I was determined to do well in all of my classes, especially History and English. Ever since the career fair, I've had a long term goal, to become a lawyer. I will persist with my profound love of history and law at Montclair State University by majoring in Political Science and taking classes such as Law in Society: Criminal Law, U.S Immigration: Law and Politics, Urban Politics. I would also love to participate in the internship at Washington, D.C as a Political Science major.
My internship has helped shape who I am today; a driven and dedicated young woman that is full of potential. Thanks to this life changing experience, I will be able to further develop what I have learned about myself with the help of the Montclair community. Interning at Kenneth Vercammen and Associates has better prepared me for a college career in the sense that I have learned the concept of hard work, commitment, determination, and social skills. These vital skills have helped structure the individual that I am today and has given me such potential to be a contributing asset to the Montclair community.
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