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Small taste of a world outside of my own; CU Boulder; Enrich community



becschneider15 1 / -  
Nov 8, 2013   #1
The University of Colorado at Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

As the California sun shone hot on our backs, a slight wind cooled us down as we hiked up the dirt mountain. Surrounded by vines and dark flowers, we trudged for nearly an hour with camera phones in hand. Never in a million years could I have envisioned myself working that hard for something I could just has easily seen from afar with a zoom lens. Although I had seen it a million times in movies and T.V. shows, I marched onward to the legendary Hollywood sign.

It was my first time having been in California, and, my first time outside of the east coast. I was visiting my two best friends who were set on showing me the native Los Angeles life style. Having lived in California their entire lives, they had no intentions of giving me the boring itinerary of a clueless tourist. When they suggested we pay a visit to the Hollywood sign, I was skeptical at first; after all, nothing encompasses "touristy" more than the Hollywood sign. But, after they reassured me that it would not be what I was expecting, I slipped on my Vans and off we were.

Wishing I had worn more suitable footwear, I found myself climbing Mount Lee. In the moment, entangled by Mother Nature herself, I questioned whether the Hollywood sign was worth all the effort... and sweat. But, after what seemed like an eternity of climbing, we finally stopped and realized how much progress we had made. Not too far away from me stood huge, white letters spelling out HOLLYWOOD. I couldn't believe it. Not only was the sign more magnificent than I had envisioned, but my endeavors that brought me to it made it twice as enjoyable. Just as I thought the moment couldn't be more perfect, I turned around to face the opposite side of the sign. What I saw was even more breathtaking than the landmark... right before me was the entirety of Los Angeles itself. With it's varying buildings, colors and lights I had never truly seen something so vast. The immenseness of the city, joined with my adventures made me realize how much the rest of the world has to offer me.

After having just a small taste of a world outside of my own, I have gained so much experience and have opened my eyes to new ideas and concepts. This experience made me realize that diversity is not defined by race, ethnicity, or even grades. Rather, diversity pertains to everyone's unique experiences, and being open to learn and share these experiences with others. Because my friends were able to share their California lifestyle with me, I now have so much to share with others. As I move on to college, my hope is to engage myself in new activities and ideas, and enter my academic and social life with an open mind.

please give me suggestions and feedback!! thank you so much!!

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Nov 15, 2013   #2
This experience made me realize that diversity is not defined by race, ethnicity, or even grades. Rather, diversity pertains to everyone's unique experiences, and being open to learn and share these experiences with others.

I like this part.... you have presented that idea very beautifully :)
Overall, I feel it is better if you came to the point ...

how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

... a bit earlier. Here it is the last para that you touch upon it and it's a bit short too. You spent more time in explaining the experience that provided you with those insights. However, in my view, the focus of the prompt lies on that point. So I suggest you to give more prominence to that.


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