'The smell of Seaside Spring' - University of Pennsylvania/UPenn optional

Alright this is my UPenn optional essay! I'd appreciate any helpful, brutally honest feedback! I'll help with your pieces too!! Thanks in advance

Prompt: introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences

"There is a certain smell when you walk into my prefect's room, a homey, airy kind of smell. The smell of Seaside Spring, of fresh ironed shirts, of home. I wipe my feet on the door mat and recline on his comfy brown couch- the perfect place to relax. Here he comes. 'Man, that was a good game of squash. Now I got that philosophy paper to write, physics and bio tests to study, and ..." He hangs his hoodie on his chair and starts typing. Then, without so much as a glance over his shoulder he notices my Algebra textbook and asks, 'Math help?' I nod shyly, sorry to keep him from his work. But he helps me anyway, going through the problems step-by-step. 'Need anything else? Besides a haircut? Geez, you look like one of the Beatles!' I chuckle at his joke and get up to leave. 'Thanks, DJ.'"

In case you haven't noticed, I'm writing in the position of my prefectee/dorm freshman

Any thoughts? What did you find out about me?

Thanks again!!

That's PERFECT! So sophisticated because you didn't TELL them but you described a scene and you're letting the reader make his/her judgement. I absolutely lovedd it. Do you think you could look at my Stanford and/or USC essay(s) ?

If you hadn't told me at the end this was written from the perspective of your dorm freshman I would've had absolutely no clue! You need to make sure the reader of your essay knows what you're writing first of all! And sorry to sound harsh, but I really didn't learn anything about you from this essay other than the fact that you look like one of the Beatles. I think you have the creative part down, you just need to focus on making sure your essay is understandable and that it actually shows something about yourself. Hope I helped.