'Soccer as a Stress Reliever' - Common App Short

this is just a first draft, so any/all criticism is greatly appreciated. thanks!

As I high school student, I can say that I face stress everyday. Tests, projects, and essays attempt to strain my mental state. This changes, however, once soccer begins after school. The brotherhood of my teammates, my compassionate coaches, and the familiarity of the sport I am passionate about melt my stress from my body. Besides this, I finally have a way to vent my tension It is as though my stressors stand on the field before me, taunting my current tranquility. But not for long. Now I can take matters into my own hands, and control what I couldn't before. Each powerful kick at the soccer ball chips away at their foundations; every pounding footstep in the mud grinds them into dust. At the end of practice, the shattered relics of my problems remain on the pitch as I leave relaxed and ready to tackle tomorrow's new challenges.

Hello! So, I think you should take away the first half and stick with the second half. I love the imagery that you have there. Maybe something about feeling unstoppable with your teammates on the field and coaches there to give you support? Awesome last sentence =D Great job!

thanks i wasn't sure how to lead in to the imagery haha...i'll definitely try to add that in because that was exactly what i was thinking of i just didn't know how to phrase it =D