"Soccer, Urugway" - someone who influenced me - international student

Hi everyone . It's my first try and I have time to rethink about my essay . a tip I essay on another website was saying to write the first thing that came to my mind . so here it is

I'm not sure if it's topic of my choice or 'someone who influenced me' essay . I'm sure you'll find many mistakes here , I'm not the best writer . but please try to make constructive critic at least.

Last minute of the match Uruguay vs Ghana at 2010 World Cup: Suarez blocks a Ghana shot with his hand; it's a red card for Suarez and a penalty kick for Ghana! A huge dissapointment for Uruguay... Gyan takes the shot; but he misses! And the refree blows his whistle as the end of the overtime... Uruguay wins the match on penalties reaching the semifinals. The devastation of Uruguayan fans suddenly turns to an elation. Suarez becomes the hero of the day(!)

Is the method or the final result more important? Does the history remember the dignified or the winner? These simple questions have no real answers but I've been wondering them lately. As a child I read in children boks and was taught that always the good guys were supposed to win; but I'm not sure anymore. If the story of the world cup had been rewritten by Roald Dahl, Suarez could have even turned to a beast but he didn't. Instead he was welcomed to his country as a national hero and told that he was proud to have the 'Hand of God'.

Mourinho, another controversial figure of the soccer world, has been the most succesful manager lately. Though praised for his skills and career accomplishments, he is extremely critized for his deficiency of moral values and the lack of beauty in his game. Cruyff -the paragon of positive football- clearly expresses his opinion about Mourinho: "...even with everything he has achieved, he would never be the coach of my team." In April 2010; Mourinho's Inter eliminated Barcelona FC, the team influenced by Cruyff's football philosophy. Since Inter had won in the first match of the draw; in the second match of the draw Mourinho did not field 11 players on the pitch but 11 bricks that would form a wall to stand in front of Barcelona's attacks. He had most probably ordered them just to kick the ball as far as possible since Inter finished the match with no goal attempt at all. The most boring team of the year for many, consequently won the Champions League.

Sometimes I can't decide whether to be Mourinho or Cruyff. I tremendously enjoy when I watch a comptetitive match of aesthetic football. In fact, I'm most enthusiastic when I play at the soccer tournament at my school. Words fail to describe my bliss when I score a beautiful goal, or even beter, when I see the shine in my teammates' eyes whom I help to score. But usually they don't mean anything if I'm on the losing side at the end of the day.

Last year my class faced 9th graders. At the end of the first half we were losing 7-4 embarrassingly. During the half time interval I motivated my team and organized the defence. In the second half I scored a goal and assisted for another and with the equalizer in the last minute as we got the game to overtime. We had been exhaused both physically and mentally; therefore I couldn't have accepted defeat. At one particular position, I was about to be outdistanced by my rival. As the last defender I had nothing to do but bring him down. I received a yellow card afterwards that could have been easily red too. I was not proud of myself but the eventual taste of victory was more than enough to compensate my self-dissapointment. I regard team sports as teachers of team spirit and virtue. I had both triumphed and failed that day.

Ultimately it was a bit more significant than an exhibition game. The worst that could have happened was the shame felt for a loss against freshmen. But life isn't a game. Many people in real life cheat or exploit others and get away with it. Even some, such as Suarez, become national heroes for their corrupt actions. At least Uruguay couldn't win the cup, but Argentina had won in 1986 thanks to Maradona's famous the 'Hand of God' goal. Then I try to put myself in Suarez's shoes and ask "Would I have acted the same way?". I'm not sure yet.

Is the method or the final result more important? Does the history remember the dignified or the winner?

These simple questions have no real answers but I've been wondering them lately. As a child I read in children' s boks books and

Watch the spelling: exhaused

I think the first paragraph should have two more sentences added to it to make SURE the reader understands exactly what happened. If the reader does not understand that intro paragraph, the rest of the essay is confusing.

So, what is most important... the end, or the means to the end? That is a good concept. If you believe the end can justify the means, it is only true if the end, itself, is a noble and virtuous one. This is an interesting concept!

I think you should look at each paragraph and ask yourself, "What is the main idea of this paragraph?' Then, go revise the first and last sentence of each paragraph if you can find ways to make them more effective and also clearer. The first and last sentence of each para are most important.

:-)

thanks kevin for your help . at least I have only few grammer mistakes.

my actual concern was that essay would be too superficial . I'm not the deepest person , sports are my main interest and I wasn't sure to write an essay on soccer. I'm happy you liked the concept.

ok I'll try to improve first and last sentences . it's probably quite easy for a european to understand the events , but you're right , I should make it clear for american adcoms without any idea on what I'm talking .

and lastly - is there anything that would show me negatively to adcoms ? I wasn't sure about that

Are you kidding?! :-) Sports have the deepest meditation, locking you into a moment and forcing you to concentrate all attention into the activity. Sports also have intellectual significance as matters of culture and personal fulfillment. Plus, with childhood obesity a concern in many countries, sports play a key role in health.

And when you say you are not the deepest person, I have to disagree because you wrote "I had both triumphed and failed that day."

is there anything that would show me negatively to adcoms ?---I don't know! They are all different. But everyone is impressed by good PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCES and a strong THESIS STATEMENT AT THE END OF THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. Those things are always impressive. :-) Google around to learn more about them if necessary...