Any comments and constructive criticism will be appreciated. I am over 900 characters and don't have a conclusion yet, but my main concern is, was it personal enough? And please point out any areas where I should elaborate.
Waterloo application essay
Q1: Please tell us about your educational goals, interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program, please discuss your interest in each program. (900 characters limit)
I am interested in the software engineering and computer science programs at Waterloo due to my love of problem-solving and pushing boundaries. I aspire to define new frontiers of innovation and build a better future for generations to come. The UW Blueprint Organization will allow me to dedicate my skills in creating technology for the social good while honing my technical craft in a team environment. Waterloo's women in engineering club offers mentorship, outreach events, and networking opportunities. Having a mentor will support my learning, provide guidance in a male-dominated field, and enable me to learn from others' mistakes instead of my own. Waterloo's extensive co-op program fosters professional development from day one, adding a competitive advantage after graduation. Arguing my case with stakeholders and their team, asking questions, or sharing learning achievements, requires a certain finesse that is only developed from onsite experience that co-op offers. The program will also help decipher, where I add unique value to the company.
Hey! Fellow applicant here.
Although I can see an outline of your educational goals, they get drowned by the three "reasons for applying to Waterloo" answers. Interest in your chosen program is lacking. Yes, you've talked about why Waterloo is so good, but there is no case against what SE will do for you other than co-op.
"enable me to learn from others' mistakes instead of my own." This is a fallacy. Every engineer makes mistakes themselves and must do so to succeed. Instead, talk about how it will improve your analysis of mistakes and failures.
"fosters professional development from day one, adding ..." This is too generic, in fact, this may even be paraphrased from their website. They know this, tell them something they don't know. Will you make an invention? What will SE help you with making this invention? What will co-op contribute to you making this invention? These are just examples you can answer to make it sound more personal, don't feel restricted.
"I aspire to define new frontiers of innovation and build ... " How are you going to do this? Create something? Become an entrepreneur?
Best of luck!