"Something you secretly like, but pretend not to" prompt----UVA: Stuffed animals

I hate my introduction sentence. If anyone has any insight on how to make it better, please, please share.

UVA wants applicants to answer in "roughly" 250 words, and I have 277. Do you think they will insist on a solid limit?

I also tried to inject the theme of loyalty to friends without blatantly showing it. =P

Discuss something you secretly like but pretend not to, or vice versa:

At the age of four, my best friend's name was Slush, and he was made of cotton.

I had grand adventures with my stuffed dog, as he transformed from an ace pilot to a race car driver in a blink of an eye. Indiana Jones simply could not compare. Crouching under our fort of mattresses and sofa pillows, we would fight overwhelming waves of monsters, and still prevail. Exhausted by our mighty deed, we would retire late in the evening. On those nights, he would sit next to my bed and together we would think of tomorrow's brand new escapade.

Today, he still sits on my bed, forever a treasured friend and companion, though we hardly ever have the chance to journey anymore. But every time a friend calls, I hastily stow him under the sheets. Why? Well, I suppose it is considered abnormal for a high school male to sustain as childish of a habit as keeping a stuffed animal in his room. My friends consider me the serious type of person, and would kill themselves laughing over this relic from a forgotten age.

I know what they would say. As they themselves have done years ago, they would tell me to toss the scrap of rag out, that I had no use for such an object anymore.

Yet Slush was one of my first friends, a friend before I could read. How many of my peers can claim that? To do as my classmates have suggested would be like stabbing my little brother in the back. So for now, I will support my comrade, and in times of trouble, look to my oldest friend.

Thanks for the feedback!

Personally, I do not think any admissions officer is going to realize that you wrote more than 250 words.

Anyways, your introduction is very good. You set up a nice image, in my head, anyways, of your fun with your stuffed animals as a child, and your transitions are smooth, even though you're talking about different temporal places.

You have a good argument as to why you like your dog, and why you keep it a secret.

Nice essay!

Awesome topic! Not many teenage guys (or girls) could admit that they still love the stuffed animals from their chilhood. Maybe you could hightlight some important, childhood events that Slush was a part of to make him seem more like a friend than just a playmate.

Please take a look at my essay.Thanks!

Sorry for the double post, but I just saw your "I hate my introductory sentence thing"

I like it a lot, actually. Perhaps what you could do though, is add a list of things he was made of:


(obviously, do not put the etc. part)

It'd even be kind of cool if you did some sort of "percent composition" thing - 85% cotton, 10% fabric, 3% plastic, and 2%...well, who knows.

But that might be a bit over the top

I like the essay a lot.

Here is my suggestion:
At the age of four,M y best friend's name was Slush, and he was made of cotton.

and add to:

At the age of four, I had grand adventures with my stuffed dog, as he transformed from an ace pilot to a race car driver in a blink of an eye.

Please read mine!

@ birthdayattackr

You are a genius.

I'll probably use something like this:

Most people are made of 90% water. My best friend was made of 90% cotton. .
(or whatever the percent water composition is for humans)

Thanks for the comments luminousx, lee123. I'll definitely go check the essays out.

Haha, that sounds good.

In any case, thanks! I'm glad I could help :). Good luck with the applications!