Hello, I just completely rewrote my personal statement and wanted some feedback on what I should change or add.
Transfer Statement of Purpose for Texas A&M
Growing up, I was more of a "go with the flow" type of person. I never really thought about what really mattered in terms of my education, so I became one of those students who never did their homework and instead did well on the tests and quizzes. I'd always been really good with math and science, but when it came to school, I didn't have the motivation to get the grades that I needed.
Along with this, I didn't have a plan for my life. Although I had many hobbies growing up, such as playing the guitar and playing football, nothing really stuck with me as much as my love for the weather did. Even back to my early days in elementary school, I was known by my family and friends for obsessively watching The Weather Channel. Even as a kid, I was more up-to-date than my other family members with events such as Hurricanes Ike and Rita before they struck, and after those storms, I helped my parents and my grandfather clean up the damage left behind from them. Although I had this clear passion, however, it wasn't something I considered to be my future until well after high school.
Even though I had been accepted into Texas A&M's Galveston campus shortly after high school, I decided to delay my attendance to figure out what I really wanted to do with my future. After being out of school for two years to figure myself out and help with taking care of my mother while she was sick, I signed up for classes at a local community college. Just before the semester had a chance to begin, however, Hurricane Harvey struck and devastated much of the area around Houston. Fortunately, even though the water got extremely close, the street my family's house is on was spared while the surrounding streets weren't as lucky. It shocked me to see the area that I grew up in was under water, with cars abandoned in streets I would drive through every day.
On the other side of town, my brother wasn't one of the fortunate people either, especially considering he had just moved in just weeks before. Water filled his first floor, destroying many of his belongings. Because of this, other family members and I joined in to help with tearing out everything from furniture to the walls and floors, which all were damaged by the water. These experiences made me realize that I wanted to help people better protect themselves in case an event like Hurricane Harvey ever happens again.
After being accepted into Texas A&M's Galveston campus shortly after high school, I ended up delaying my college attendance, but at the orientation I could feel the school's strong sense of community. I believe that, considering the fact that Texas A&M has one of the most respected meteorology programs in the country, having it coupled with a very strong community is something that's unique to me. Meteorology is something that needs to be studied in order save lives, but if meteorologists don't also understand and know the community impacted, then they won't truly be able to help them.
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Ian, these are great personal reasons but it doesn't show you developing your passion beyond watching the weather channel. As the personal statement allows you to develop an explanation as to how your interest and foundational abilities in this course developed, I was hoping to read more along those lines in this essay. After all, you took time off to try other things before settling on this course for college. Tell the reader about the academic goals that led to your decision so that the professional goal you presented at the end of the essay makes more sense. If there was such a strong personal connection, why then did you think you could study and complete a different course? The personal reasons are dramatic but not convincing enough. Work on developing it further to improve the presentation. What's the connection of your mother's illness to the overall consideration? You failed to develop that statement in relation to the paragraph topic.