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South Korea, Malaysia, and United States - the world you come from



Liberty50 1 / -  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
Please Proofread my essay, english is my second language so i need some corrections.

Prompt: Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

In the seventeen years of my life, I have lived in three different countries, South Korea, Malaysia, and United States. Even though I love all these countries very much, they are culturally and ethnically very different from each other. Each culture has its own unique expectation, social standards, and anticipation to which the people are expected to abide by.

In America, the right of individuality and Liberty are valued greatly. People expect others to respect his or her private and personal sphere. In contrary, Korean culture values social conformity. It is expected that one individual to give up their private individual trait in respect for the unity of group.

In Malaysia, there are so many diverse cultures living together that everyone tends to be friendly and polite with one another. When it comes to social interaction people seem to put aside their own cultural standards. All people, Malayans, Indians, Chinese, get along very well with each other.

Experiencing various cultures from different places, I can see that people is affected and shaped by the culture they are is living in. They adapt to certain social conventions and folkways. Even their mindset, the way of thinking, the viewpoint are formed by the environment and cultures they are surrounded to.

For me, for having to move and live from culture to culture at young age, I see that there is just no one right social standard or expectation. Each culture is as valid as another and should be valued and respected. I reject to conform to one social belief, standards, or expectation because I know that no one culture is the standard model to subject all others.

birthdayattackr 2 / 12  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
In contrary contrast
, Korean culture values social conformity. It is expected that one individual to give up their private individual trait in respect for the unity of group.

I see that there is just no one right correct social standard or expectation.

I know that no one culture is the standard model to subject all others.

awkward... Maybe say, "I know that no one culture is "standard.""

You address the prompt here, which is (always) good. It feels a little quotidian, but I think it's fine.

Since you're applying to MIT (I presume...), could you read my essay and tell me what you think?

Also, Malaysia is awesome! So much cool stuff :)
demuredelight 2 / 22  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
In America, the right of individuality and l iberty are valued greatly.
People expect others to respect his or hertheirprivate and personal sphereprivacy .

Even their mindset, the way of thinking,(repetitive) the viewpoint are formed by the environment and cultures they are surrounded to.

I see that there is just no one rightnot a single accepted social standard or expectation

Here are some similar words for 'culture': social norms, traditions, principles, conventions, moral systems, morals, values, value systems, heritage, practices...
Try your best to vary word choice and sentence structure.


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