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Spelman College Essay - Is this good or bad ?

djohnson5 1 / -  
Oct 26, 2009   #1

College Education and Commitment

Integral parts of the Spelman experience are seeking knowledge and commitment to service. Throughout my four years of my experience of high school at Bayonne High School I have stayed focused on maintaining my commitment to these areas. Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are also essential to life as well as college.

Showing my commitment to seeking knowledge is easily noticeable because there is pride and excellence taken into my school work. Staying dedicated to the quest of knowledge and learning means necessitates several hours of studying, constant attention and understanding of what is being taught and continuous focus and determination of doing better than your best. I have been applying these rules since I was in grammar school and knew I wanted to continue seeking knowledge after high school by attending a four-year college. Another way I have illustrated that I seek for more knowledge is for the reason that our high school has the basic requirements like two years of a foreign language and 3 years of a math class; I went beyond these expectations and took pre-calculus as a fourth year of a math class and also took 3 years of Spanish.

Even though my father was in and out of my childhood years; he did make it up during my teenage years. Once I entered my freshmen year of high school he became more present and so did his words of wisdom. He gave highly respected and valued advice when it came to my education. One simple rule that still sticks with me to this day is: Books before Boys; that was instilled into my mind early. The satisfaction I gave my father because of my outstanding grades and intelligence became the rest I stayed committed and devoted to my education and always seeking new knowledge in everything and anything that was offered to me.

The way I can exemplify my commitment to service is to show the various community service projects I have been engaged in. To graduate as a senior from Bayonne High School you are required to complete 20 hours of community service. I actually completed 21 hours. I did a few of those hours at a community nursery that I attended as a pre-kindergartener where I fell in love with working with the younger kids. The rest of my hours were spent with my In Vogue teacher from my sophomore year. I had assisted with applying make-up and hairstyles for our school's Drama Club actors in school plays and musicals. Also as a freshman I volunteered to be a coach assistant for the Bayonne Youth Football Cheerleaders which I was once on the teams during middle grade school years.

I attend on being more involved in more community service activities due to the fact that I have been able to join Peer Leadership my senior year and they engage in various projects for the community. One big event they do is Relay For Life which is founded by the American Cancer Society and is a life-changing event that gives everyone in communities across the globe a chance to celebrate the lies of people who battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against the disease. For past participants I have learned this is an enjoyable affair and I am excited that I will be able to experience it this year.

In conclusion I am aware that seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. I have always shown my commitment in those areas. Those two factors are exceptionally significant in the desire of furthering your education onto college. I, in all honesty, consider them to be imperative also.
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 26, 2009   #2
Knowledge. Commitment. Pride. Excellence. I think you used each of these words at least 10 times. The problem with that is that they are all abstractions, and don't really say anything. It's like you're writing above the prompt.

We know what these things are. Everyone does. Knowledge is important to me too. But how does anyone know that, really?

This is a great chance to get visceral with it. Don't talk knowledge, talk classes and what you know. Don't talk commitment, show it. You want this essay to stand out, not be one where the people talk about that one, now what did she say?

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