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My Spelman College Essay, can you tell me what you think and give revision tips?



tmyra91 1 / -  
Nov 24, 2009   #1
Essay Question (500 Words): Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate the ways in which you have shown your commitment to these areas.

The literal meaning of the name Katrina is pure, clean, and innocent, but being a native of New Orleans, you would think that the name Katrina would mean fear, trembling, terror, and heartbreak. On August 25th, 2005, Hurricane Katrina made landfall destroying almost everything in its path including my hometown of New Orleans. This event would mark the first major turning point in my young life. Just an eighth grader, I did not fully understand the severity of this storm and what this would mean for me and the rest my family. Later, I came to find out that this meant a totally new beginning. I had to attend a new school, make new friends, and get use to different surroundings. At first, I did want to have anything to with this change. The thought of going to a new school to me was absolutely ridiculous. I cried and argued to try to get out of this situation but it clearly wasn't up for discussion. My parents had already made the decision to temporarily move out to Denton, Texas. Seeking knowledge was very important at this point because I had to learn to adapt to this new environment in which I was not comfortable with. Before, the thought of living in a new city frightened me, but over time I grew to love it. I woke up every day with a smile, awaiting for my day to begin .Eventually, befriending new people whom I never thought I'd meet, visiting different sites I never thought I'd see became a great thrill. The people of Denton not only made me feel welcome; they made me feel like I belonged there. I will never forget that I began my first day of school in Denton crying, and left the exact same way. Honestly, if I could relive this experience I definitely would jump at the change to do it. When I moved back into the city, I still never forgot the great values that I learned during my Katrina evacuation. Along with gaining knowledge about the importance of experiencing new things, I also learned the importance of giving back to the community. I'm aware that thousands of people still haven't fully recovered from the destruction that Katrina did to not only their homes, but their lives. I am committed to doing whatever it takes to make the lives of my fellow "New Orleanians" as normal as they were before the storm. Whether it is painting houses, giving out food, or simply giving the spare change as the bottom of my purse, I know it will make a difference in someone's life. Because I attend a catholic high school, community service is required, but I am more than willing to do my part in giving back to those who need my help. It is truly rewarding to know that giving back to your community is not only beneficial to those in which you are helping, but it is also beneficial to yourself as well. I do not perform acts of service to receive praise; I do it because of the love and appreciation I have for my community.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 26, 2009   #2
Your first sentence is very astute; I like it.

...everything in its path, i ncluding my hometown of New Orleans.

No need for comma here: I had to attend a new school make new friends, and get use to different surroundings.

Whether it is painting houses, giving out food, or simply giving the spare change at the bottom of my purse, I know it will make a difference in someone's life.---> I think a little more than this is necessary in order to answer that last part of the prompt. List some of the community service activities.

:-)


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