I spent four years working with John Smth ;Boulder/Influential people in my life.

250 words max. Any help is appreciated.

Who are the influential people in your life? How have they contributed to your development as a person?

Before moving to Colorado last summer I spent four years working with John Smth installing phone systems all across Long Island. John has taught me how to setup an NEC-DSX phone system, how to mount a television to any wall, how to rig a house with surveillance cameras, and the in's and out of basic construction. We often ate lunch at a deli owned by John's good friend Paul, who gave us free meals in appreciation for taking care of all his telecommunications and electronics needs.

I can see Chris walking in now.
"Hey oh Danny! Your Giants aint doing so hot. Cowboys have em beat this week for sure. Yoo Will-on-the-Grill, what's up man! You got any Monte Christo's today?" Behind the counter Paul sees john, smirks, and shoots him a quick knock regarding his height. "OH! Guys check out who just walked in, it's little bit of Luck from the Lottery Commercials!" john slightly readjusts his stance and retorts. "Hey look Al, our mother mighta gave him the height, but I got the good looks! And everyone knows shorter guys live longer".

I have gained a sizable assortment of technical skills from John, but when I consider his influence on my development as a person, I think of his people skills. I've watched john deal with all types of people. The way John makes others comfortable by being personable and relating to them is admirable. I feel blessed to have worked with and gotten to know John Smith.

I think John deserves a better introduction because he's someone who influenced your life in a certain way. This is too abrupt :(
Also, you need to finish one set of ideas before coming to tell something new. In this essay, I don't find a smooth flow.... You need to improve its presentation. My suggestion is to provide a good introduction about John; his strengths and skills and why you got attracted to him.

I also believe you can expand more on John's character. Due to the word limit, I would take the words you used in the technical part of it and create some depth to John's character.

Try not to repeat the same word in sentences that are right next to one another. I know it's hard! But it makes the essay stronger. For example you use the word "John" a lot. I know it's his name, but you could sub it for 'him' or another pronoun. Good luck!