Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

Spread the positivity! - Global UGRAD program: Why would you be a great participant?

Lutfianuri 1 / -  
Dec 7, 2017   #1

I fall in love with America

I have read several books about USA, they made me obsessed and fell in love. Visiting USA is my biggest dream. However, I am financially unable to go there. But then I found out about this program, I got really excited. This program means a lot to me. It is an opportunity to make my biggest dream come true also the right time to improve self-qualities and develop my career. I am a person who is focused to build a successful career, my excellent grades is one of the evidences. I feel the knowledge that I get in my homeland is not enough. Because my homeland is considered a developing country with limited technology. The education system is much different and need to be improved and updated. Therefore, I really want to study in USA to find the things that I cannot find in my homeland. My major, architecture is very potential in USA. Many great architects who are well known of their phenomenal projects came from USA. I am sure, by studying in the potential environment plus guidance from professional lecturers will give a positive impact on my career. I will definitely push myself to the limit to reach my dream. For that reason, I would be a great participant of UGRAD.

Living in a country which contains a lot of religions, tribes, and cultures has taught me to respect diversity and it made me become an open-minded person. Personally, I am a sociable and humble person so I can communicate well regardless of the people's status. I like meeting new people plus I can easily get along with people, hence I have a lot of friends. I am a cheerful and friendly person as well. My sense of empathy towards the surroundings led me to volunteer in some social activities in my homeland. I took place as one of the committees in several organizations. Besides helping the society, people, and the world I also learned how to manage myself, coordinate co-workers, and be responsible for the work.

In order to use social media smartly and wisely, I have an online photography gallery for constantly sharing my photos when traveling, mostly about heritage. Using graphic design skills and creative writing, I process them to be a journal. So that people can see the world and get inspired. I love sharing using visual media. Because I can share what I cannot share orally moreover practically. Happiness and feedback of people who benefit from what I have shared, motivates me to keep working and spread the positive vibes.

This program gives me a chance to meet new people with different religions, tribes, cultures, traditions, and backgrounds. I certainly do not hesitate to share my life experiences, thoughts, and what my homeland has. Otherwise, as a good listener I would love to listen other participants' stories too. By participating in this program, I will get a priceless life experience that not everyone gets. I will meet people who have the same vision and mission as me. Great people who do not stop learning and keep looking for knowledge and new experiences. So when returning to the homelands, we can contribute according to our respective fields and give positive impacts to the society to make the world a better one.

My curiousity to look for something new in my life and a strong desire from my inner self makes me sure that I can do it. My skills and abilities that I have support me to be a great participant of UGRAD. In the end, it will boost my career in the future.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,568 2485  
Dec 7, 2017   #2
Lutfia , I have to say that this essay is fun to read, informative, and hopeful. However, it does not stand out to the reader. Specially a person who has to consider the application essays of thousands of participants to a program that is so high in value, everyone wishes to become a part of it. This essay is so generic in content that it can disappear among a pile of other application essays that say the same thing you are in this written interview. Nothing makes it stand out. So you need to find that one thing that you can focus on that will perhaps, help make this essay stand out.

If I were writing this essay, I would focus on describing how my participation can help promote this program and also, help to enhance the experience with my peers in the group. I would expand the discussion about the use of social media, the creation of an online photography journal, and an online blog that will help to introduce my experience and my new friends, cultural enlightenment, and other notable things that can happen to me during this time in an online journal. That could create a unique application slant for you because you will be discussing how you can truly help to promote the objectives of the program, the camaraderie in the group, and the way that life long bonds are created during that one semester abroad.

Try to omit the current opening paragraph about how you fell in love with America. That really sounds like overkill at the moment. Instead, discuss your hopes regarding the physical interaction you will be having with the participants and how this interaction will help you learn from them about their countries and how you hope to help them understand your own country. Think in terms of a small scale United Nations meeting and you should be able to write a better essay as well.
Isabellaalmeida 11 / 26 5  
Dec 16, 2017   #3
Hi, Lutfia

Your essay says a lot about yout personality traits, but it doesn't show them. Maybe, instead of saying that you " can communicate well regardless of the people's status", give us an example of a situation or an experience in which you showed your abilities to communicate yourself with different people. Similarly, "as a good listener I would love to listen other participants' stories too", show yourself as a good listener, don't simply say it.

I also think that, although you may really have stellar grades, excplictly saying "my excellent grades" sounds a little bit vain.
Additionally, you should also pay attention to your pontuaction.
Overall, I hope you may take my advices into account.
I wish you the best of luck with your application! :)

Home / Undergraduate / Spread the positivity! - Global UGRAD program: Why would you be a great participant?