I want to major in psychology in UIUC and have already written out an essay. The problem is, it's 359 words, which means I need a 59 word trim. Any suggestions, tips, and what I can cut out will be deeply appreciated. Thanks! :)
ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois.
My essay:
While I was growing up, my parents raised me to stand for what I believed in, to follow my dreams and lay out my own path. Growing up in the United States helped me nurture an open mind, but definitely did not prepare me for the more restricted outlook I experienced when I moved to India.
Being in an institution like my school can be rewarding and frustrating at the same time. Being well known in my city, my school has a reputation which makes people look at you in admiration and sometimes awe if you tell them wear you're from. People expect a lot from you, but that can surprisingly have a limited outlook, too. My school rigorously trains their students to excel academically and get into India's best colleges, specifically for two fields. Hence, the common question I receive from most of my relatives- Which career are you planning on? Medicine, or engineering?
When I reply with psychology, most of them are confused. Why psychology? I see people around me financially successful, academically brilliant, and physically healthy, but one of the most important facets with regard to health is your mental well being.
I volunteer at a school for the financially and physically disabled, and one day, I was asking my class what each them aspired to be. I got several responses such as a 'train driver', 'teacher', and 'police inspector'. Then one girl at the back of the class piped up and said she wanted to be a doctor.
The entire class burst into laughter and chided her, leaving the girl distressed and close to tears. It's instances lie this that make me want to help people smile and realize that they can achieve what they want- the only thing in the way of their goals and aspirations is not the crowd scorning their dreams-it's themselves.
Reassuring that little girl not only put a smile to her face, but made me glow on the inside too. It stirred a feeling in me which makes me sure that I can see no better way to spend my life making sure everyone feels a glow of their own.
ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois.
My essay:
While I was growing up, my parents raised me to stand for what I believed in, to follow my dreams and lay out my own path. Growing up in the United States helped me nurture an open mind, but definitely did not prepare me for the more restricted outlook I experienced when I moved to India.
Being in an institution like my school can be rewarding and frustrating at the same time. Being well known in my city, my school has a reputation which makes people look at you in admiration and sometimes awe if you tell them wear you're from. People expect a lot from you, but that can surprisingly have a limited outlook, too. My school rigorously trains their students to excel academically and get into India's best colleges, specifically for two fields. Hence, the common question I receive from most of my relatives- Which career are you planning on? Medicine, or engineering?
When I reply with psychology, most of them are confused. Why psychology? I see people around me financially successful, academically brilliant, and physically healthy, but one of the most important facets with regard to health is your mental well being.
I volunteer at a school for the financially and physically disabled, and one day, I was asking my class what each them aspired to be. I got several responses such as a 'train driver', 'teacher', and 'police inspector'. Then one girl at the back of the class piped up and said she wanted to be a doctor.
The entire class burst into laughter and chided her, leaving the girl distressed and close to tears. It's instances lie this that make me want to help people smile and realize that they can achieve what they want- the only thing in the way of their goals and aspirations is not the crowd scorning their dreams-it's themselves.
Reassuring that little girl not only put a smile to her face, but made me glow on the inside too. It stirred a feeling in me which makes me sure that I can see no better way to spend my life making sure everyone feels a glow of their own.
