How have your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major? If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.
As I got into one of the best high schools in my city, the problem came along with great exultation. I could not accept that I was no longer the only shining star of the school, sometimes even could hardly be spotted as star. I became diffident, dropping into abyss of inferiority. Although I had tried very hard to show the real me to others, all turned out to be in vain. At that time, I came to the psychological counselor in our school for help. Hearing my problem, the counselor smiled at me saying it was no big matter and promising I would be myself again. Skeptically I remembered his words and started to do what he had asked. Every morning as soon as opening my eyes, I was asked to repeat in heart that I was a confident man who was able to face and tackle difficulties in school. Besides, I was asked to be positive, stopping using the negative word like "cannot". One day, two days, three day, one week...I kept telling myself "I can", "I will", beginning to regain the bravery and confidence. I started to participate in the discussion and propose my ideas with determination in class and even contested for the position of vice president of the students' union and finally won the place, all of which were totally unimaginable before. Because of psychological treatment, I again worked and studied as a vigorous student.
Why before I had tried so hard without effect but now just a little mental suggestion triggered crucial transformation? It was psychology that bailed me out of the quandary. Curious interest for this subject emerged in my heart. Some fans and I established a psycho-club in our school. Sometimes we chose to watch psychology-related movies, like Identity and Shutter Island and so on, after which we sat together talking about underlying plots, riveting characters and basic psychological knowledge appearing in the movies. Besides, we also read books like The Interpretation of Dreams, which made us popular among our classmates who gradually turned to us asking for explanations for their outlandish dreams. We all enjoyed the feeling of being the little dream-settlers and for a time interpreting each other's dreams even became prevalent in our campus. The power of psychology really amazed me.
I realized nowadays psychology is taking an increasingly fundamental role in all the subjects and almost everyone needs psychological therapy from time to time, which has been proved on me. Thus I have made up my mind to probe the veiled secrets in the world of psychology. And I believe I will have deeper and better understanding for psychology after my learning at UIUC.
After finishing this essay, I still felt something weird but I didn't know where. And the word count is much over the required one. So plz give me some advice on how to revise this one. I know there are a lot of works needed to be done. Feel free to criticize. All of your suggestions will be well appreciated. Thanks!!!
Dear Simon0228,
Your essay is very good! It answers the prompt well. At some places it deviates from the topic and I think you should avoid this to make your essay shorter.Like, the narration of you along with your group watching movies and reading books based on psychology isn't required. You can avoid this so as to fit your essay in the prescribed word limit. The thing about you and your friends being the 'little dream settlers' was good but the idea of you helping others can be avoided. Apart from that a few minor mistakes are there.Hearing my problem, the counselor smiled at me saying it was no big matter and promising I would be myself again- it should be .... and PROMISED me; not promising me. Also in the next sentence there should be a comma after the word 'skeptically'.
Overall the essay is good.
Could you please read my essay and comment on it?
Hope my suggestions are found useful to you.
