STANFORD INTELLECTUALLY ENGAGED ESSAY

hi everyone, please i need help i'm stressig on writing my intellectually engaging short answer. I wrote about how humans are in need to be subjugated, and one of the most common "things" which subjugate us is religion.

Is my idea ok or perhaps i shouldn't talk about religion??

please help!!

I'm not exactly an expert on these things, but it probably depends on how you wrote about it and what you said. Does it show that you're close-minded, or terribly cynical negative? Then probably not okay. Does it show that you're a lovely person or that you can think critically? Then it's probably okay. Like I said, though, I'm not an expert.

well it goes like this

How can they exist? Will they perish? Will they lose their existence? Disappear? 9 years old and my mind was full of questions, bending trying to find an answer and shaping to make the answers accommodate to what I believed. I couldn't comprehend how it was that people who didn't believe in God could be alive. I continually asked myself how they lived, what kept them on this world, and what was it they believed in? Was it better? Amidst my thoughts, my mind would suddenly detain, I'd shake my head, and couldn't help but repent for asking those foolish questions. I was afraid I might be going against what was right, but then I learned I was not the only one.

Humans are perhaps the creatures with the most desire for power; nevertheless they are still part of the group of creatures which has the need to feel subjugated. There is a necessity for us to feel protected, to believe that there is something more powerful than us, which knows what it's doing and knows where we are all headed to, but it is also essential for it to control us, and thus maintain stability. Since remote times, humankind has governed through "the power of the gods". Through it the ruler certainly gave its civilization a sense of protection and guidance, but he also engendered fear, and thus preserved the absolute power.

Throughout history, religion has played the crucial role of keeping everyone in line, labelling sin to that which took power away from it, or cursing people who did something different. I don't approve of using fear to keep order, but I've discovered that it's complicated to keep people correct on ethics and morals without consequences. It is complicated. However, I uphold that religion should be used as support during harsh times, rather than provide people with more difficulties.

I don't know if it is really an intellectually engaging topic...

roal my advice to you is to be explicit.

Although your essay does show your interest in the nature of faith and religion; it lacks you desire to learn about the matter. In fact it can imply that you do not want to learn about it.


Furthermore this part of the essay may show a bit of arrogance in you. Although it is good to show what you think about somthing, having a generalization or conclusion of the matter can make you look naive.

After all have you ever studied the nature of religions in-depth or have investigated about why religions are made. There are studies in universities that conduct this so to have your own conclusion about it now can seem naive.

My advice is to show how you have come to 'the quoted' conclusion. Show how your thoughts have reached that and tell them what material/investigation you are basing it on. This will show your "intelectual vitality" or desire to learn about it.

thanxs! but do you mean to say that i should show how i've reached my conclusion?