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Stanford Essay: I'm from an Island!


schmevie 6 / 17  
Dec 14, 2009   #1
Hey everyone i"m new to this. HEres my essay any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm so nervous about applying. Heres the prompt:

stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. tell us about an experience or an idea that you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

It was just another beautiful day on Catalina Island. Not a cloud in sight. There was a gentle breeze that made the palm trees dance. The day was long and it seemed as though the sun would never sleep. Day turned to night and the stars began to appear, one by one. I focused on one. One that seldom blinked. My perception of stars seemed to be fixed on the fact that they are luminous balls of plasma that flicker. That's it.

During the rigors of my daily routine staring at stars had become futile. But not today.I had become so fixated on one star that I felt the world crash down before me. The star was so full of life, it seemed invincible. It had blinded me, and I fell victim to the rest of my senses. Just as I became entranced with the light show before me, it happened. The star died.

Death is often bloody and violent, but this, this was beautiful. A split second before the star went; bestrewn of life. It was the bow at the end of a spectacular show. It was a flash of colors I didn't know existed. Greens and yellows and blues all combined in an array of flashes that were both aesthetically pleasing for my retina, as they were for my soul. The split second had captivated me and elevated me into disillusion. I had seen beauty in destruction. Destruction can bring pain, but this, this was new. Destruction signals the end to life, and breeds creation. Immediately following the stars death, a new star took its place. Nature simply took its course. I believe it is in our universal right to create. Create in all aspects of our lives. Whether it be friends ships or works of art, creation allows expression and the process teaches us more about ourselves than we perhaps care to know.

I have always been feared change. Change is essential, and is part of human nature. It is the reason humanity exists. Our ability to adapt to a different environment, is a right we should hold dear to our hearts. Change is hard. From life to death. From a small community to a big one. It is these challenges where we learn the most. We encounter ourselves, by being both vulnerable and resourceful. The star had no chance. The star's change was abrupt and inevitable. It couldn't shape it's change. We in some aspects of our life will always have the oppurunity to act upon change. Our change can lead us to our greatest ambitions.
allathlete5 5 / 19  
Dec 14, 2009   #2
I have always been feared change. Change is essential, and is part of human nature. It is the reason humanity exists. Our ability to adapt to a different environment, is a right we should hold dear to our hearts. Change is hard. From life to death. From a small community to a big one. It is these challenges where we learn the most. We encounter ourselves, by being both vulnerable and resourceful. The star had no chance. The star's change was abrupt and inevitable. It couldn't shape it's change. We in some aspects of our life will always have the opportunity to act upon change. Our change can lead us to our greatest ambitions.

Sounds awkward.. maybe you mean feared by change or that you have always had a fear of change. I have learned change is essential

Maybe put but i have learned change is essential.. I dont know.. just sounds better

Also spelled opportunity wrong =)
mrgzg1 6 / 14  
Dec 14, 2009   #3
"Whether it be friends ships " i think that needs to be friendship instead of friends ship?

Manan :)
mrgzg1 6 / 14  
Dec 14, 2009   #4
to be frank the starting of the essay is wonderful but at the end I felt as if I was lost... from my own experience I am saying the please focus less on how the grammer is , but instead write an essay that a lame person can understand
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 15, 2009   #5
"I had become so fixated on one star that I sensed my reality almost shifting, and the world as I knew it seemed to crash down around me.felt the world crash down before me . The star was so full of life that it seemed invincible; it had blinded me, and I fell victim to the rest of my senses. On the brink of becoming entranced, as I became entranced with the light show before me, it happened. The star died.
anhammond 3 / 28  
Dec 21, 2009   #7
this essay is awesome. it really shows stanford your thought process and what topics make you think

the grammar is obviously off but there are few instances where it actually takes away from the meaning of your essay

the imagery is amazing and i give you the best of luck when applying!


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