the DOPPLER EFFECT
My enthusiasm for physics is on-going. My first intervention to physics was when I was studying for SAT 2 subject test in physics. Since I was a strong mathematician representing the school in various competitions, many teachers assumed I would also do the same in science. However, I experienced a complete failure. I didn't understand anything, and thought I had no talent in physics. However, one day, my whole view on the beauty of physics opened. I was walking in a street with my friend, and noticed a car passing me made a higher pitched sound when it was near me, and then made a lower pitched sound as it passed by. A concept I learned, the Doppler effect, suddenly struck my mind. I shouted at my friend, "That's the DOPPLER EFFECT!!". My friend obviously had no idea what I was talking about, but I was incredibly excited and happy that physics was something interesting. It might seem like a trivial event, but after that day, I started to understand concepts that I wasn't able to do so previously. I started to gain knowledge rapidly, and started to self-study and research more about physics. As I was doing this, I completed studying and taking tests of AP physics 1, C-M, calculus BC, and chemistry in half year; I became the school physics ambassador, which enabled me to interact and discuss more with the physics teachers; I started to run a physics club, running physics experiments. It wasn't a specific event that created my will and passion for physics, but the accumulation of the joy of understanding and applying the ideas of physics in real life. Now, I'm ready to learn more physics, whether it's more in depth or more new concepts, and to enjoy it.
@JKANG
Welcome to the forum. We're always glad to have new people interacting in the site!
First and foremost, I think that the introductory part of the essay can still be improved. If you focus more on the values you have in relation to the program instead of the general experiences, I think you'll be able to produce a more productive working space.
Furthermore, the latter parts of the essay need to be restructured to appear more professional. I have noticed that certain parts midway have already appeared to be a little off-putting because of the casualness of the writing. I heavily recommend that you stick with a formal writing approach to elevate the appeal of the essay.
More of an deep-insight-tip here, Stanford is prestigious for their weirdness and quirkiness, so you should try to make your essay sound a bit more bold and unique. Right now, everything about it is quite bland and it sounds like a typical essay every physics students would write about.
And although the story of the "doppler effect" is quite nice, it's not really logical to say you started understanding physics after that. It'll almost look like you're trying to lying to the admission officers so you should probably reconsider that twist and the reasonings a bit more. I have a strong hunch that you don't really enjoy physics but you just thought it's your strong suit. If that's the case don't do that. Try go for things you really enjoy and you don't have to be a genius at it! If you like video games, then fuck it (sorry) go for it!
All in all, the essay's very plain and ordinary. You could try changing the story or the outcome of the story to make it sound better. And also I agree with what the person above me has said, the intro needs a lot of work! Make it very interesting to read