This is my Essay A for College Application. I would appreciate any and all input please. (names changed for privacy)
When I think of someone one who has made an impact on my life, one name comes to mind and it is Jeffery Smith. He is my best friend, brother, mentor, and someone whose examples I can follow. He is always there for me when I need him. He could be a million miles away and still would be there for me and I am the same way with him. Jeffery is closer to me than most other people because he had a part in saving my life and in changing it. To betterunderstand, one needs to know my past.
When I was in junior high, I experienced bullying. I hated life and everything in it. The more I experienced it the more I wanted to kill myself. I did not know how to get out of the situation. It was against school policy to fight, so I couldn't just punch the kids. Plus there were more of them and most of them were bigger than me. My mom wanted to contact the school administration, but I refused to let her because I thought it would just make matters worse. I quit telling her about it and pretended it was better so that she would not call the school. I cannot tell you the number of times I cried myself to sleep thinking no one loved me and that I meant nothing to anyone. Also, during this time period, I began doubting there was a God. It was the so called Christians that would bully me. If there was a God, where was he?
Soon my mom began attending a new church. She would ask me every week if I wanted to go and I would always say to her, "No I think I am just going to stay home." Until one day, she asked me if I wanted to go and, I really don't know, something just felt different. I told her yes. We arrived there and I immediately began judging these people. I was thinking to myself, "Look at these so called Christians. I bet they are no different than the rest of them." They asked us to form a line because they were going to pray over everyone there. I thought it was going to be like every other church where they ask God to bless me, watch over me, and blah blah blah and nothing happens. Oh boy, I was in for a surprise!
While I was in line waiting to be prayed over, I met Jeffery. He introduced himself and we began to have a conversation. While we were having our conversation I was thinking to myself, "Man, why is this guy so different than other Christians? He is actually acting like he cares about me." That may not mean a lot to most people but, to someone who hated life and felt unloved, it meant the world. When it was my turn to be prayed over, it was far from what I expected. They bowed their heads and began listening to what God was saying to them. Then these people, which I had never met before, said God told them that I struggled with depression and I felt no one loved me. They told me that Jesus wanted me to know that He loves me. I started weeping because I knew it had to be God who told them. No one knew about my depression except me and that was the first time I had met them. After that moment, I knew without a doubt there was a God and I knew that He loved me.
I started attending this church regularly and joined the youth group. The youth minister and other adults took the youth on a two week mission trip to Brazil. That trip totally changed my life. I saw God work so many miracles. I saw people healed instantly and lives changed forever. I saw firsthand the love that God has for us, for me. I know He placed a very special Christian man in my life - a man that I am proud to call my Youth Minister but, more importantly, my friend, Jeffery Smith.
Hi Garrett94,
When I think of someone one who has made an impact on my life, one name comes to mind and it is Jeffery Smith. He is my best friend, brother, mentor, and someone whose examples I can follow.
This is my suggestion for the opening;
Jeffery Smith; the name that strikes in my mind without any hesitation when I ask myself which person did impact my life the most. He is no other, but my best ever friend, brother, mentor and my ideal.