This is University of Virginia's supplement essay for the college of arts and sciences. Could you take a look and leave me some suggestions? Leave a link and I'll be sure to return the favor. Thanks! :)
What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?
There is no way out. Hands shaking in fearful anticipation, I take my seat in front of the impatient crowd. Inhaling deeply, I place my hesitant fingers upon the piano, starting my struggle against expectations and misgivings.
The Revolution starts now.
As one of the most well-known classics, Chopin's Revolutionary Etude is timeless in its ability to hold up a mirror to our lives. Hidden in this reflection are numerous messages, each with a valuable lesson to bestow upon anyone who is willing to seek and learn.
Giddy with self-importance due to the twelve years of piano lessons under my belt, I first picked up the crisp white sheets of The Revolutionary Etude about a year ago. I was foolish to think that arduous practice would result in a perfect performance. The notes on the paper before me, which I had taken for flesh and blood, were only the skeleton of the song. For music to speak, it must be first be given a voice. The composer provides the music, and the performers supply the voice. Working together, each supplements the other, converting an assortment of notes into a timeless classic. As long as there are performers, there will be the breath of life that gives such songs their immortality.
Knowing my responsibility, my fingers stop trembling. Chopin is no longer turning over in his grave. Instead, he has escaped, transcending time and space, living on through his music. All I have to do is be the voice. Because sometimes, a voice is all it takes to start an entire revolution.
when is the 4th paragraph happening?
as you get ready to play? - change "knowing my responsibility" to "finally understanding my respnsibilty" or something more immediate
or...
days before as you prepared for the performance? a year ago when you started learning it? - change "knowing my responsibility" to "remembering my respnsibilty" or something
maybe also put something more specifically answering the prompt. Choplin was challenging me to be the voice...or something like that. actually refering to yourself being "surprised, unsettled, or challenged" might help clarify your answer to the prompt.
very nice writing style,
Ayshaya
please review mine if you get the chance. "blue eyes" - common app - person who influenced me
numerous messages, each composed with a valuable lesson
its something id use to tie in a musical aspect. but ive been told im superfluous...so yea
For music to speak, it must be first be given a voice
i dnt think that be is supposed to be there
Yea not much help but i tried...
i know i didnt help you as nearly as much as you helped me...
ur writing style is so crisp and perfect...im insanely jealous...ur very detailed and stuff...i suck at those things...
You are a great writer! I do agree with the person earlier - you don't actually answer the prompt. Other than that, I like it!
Could you take a look at mine?
Thanks!
Oh and if you do get a chance... I really need advice on a title - I chose "What's in a dream?" for my Jan 1 deadline.
Thanks again lol.
