In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.
During my early years in elementary school, my mom helped me discover my concealed stash of brainpower and creativity. Without her guidance I would have never delved into the world of reading or learned the intricate relationships between numbers. Her dedication inspired me to share with younger students the same "boost" that she had used to stimulate my interest in learning. I decided to reach out to students by volunteering in Brain Boosters, a local tutoring program that provides students with homework assistance and enrichment activities.
My first day in the program, I doubted my ability to tutor as I frantically racked my brain for effective ways of explaining to my buddy how to convert measurements for a cupcake recipe. I expected her to glare or criticize my attempt to tutor, and was grateful when she made no such signs of disapproval. I didn't allow my nervousness to discourage me from continuing the program. Tutoring became easier as I gained more experience explaining homework and bonded with the students. To make the sessions more relaxing and fun, I inquired my buddies about their day at school. I absorbed their summaries of a new intriguing book, sympathized with complaints about the tyrant teacher, or advised on how to approach Dad about a lost calculator. I realized that my role as a tutor wasn't just to assist students with homework, but also to provide encouragement and optimism.
My greatest benefits from being a volunteer were improving my communication skills, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and forming new friendships. As an Illini student I hope to continue interacting with younger students by participating in peer mentoring groups such as the America Reads and Counts program with other Illini students who share my interest in helping students discover their potential.
the first paragraph is really confusing until you get to the last sentence...then you're like ooooh, now it makes sense. so my suggestion is that you put the last sentence towards the beginning.
in the second paragraph, you use the word "buddies" one too many times. so you might want to choose another word.
other than that, i really liked this essay! its really personal and natural and describes the kind of person you are. I really can't find anything wrong with it. =)
great job!
Hey,
"During my early years in elementary school" sounds redundant. If you're talking about the first few years in elementary then maybe rephrase? And also- the first two sentences sound a little forced.
But other than this, I totally agree with ebby2010 that it sounds personal and natural! Good job :)
